Mycella's Blog

The System, Standards of Living, and Poverty

2012-02-22T04:38:00.000-08:00

‘Standards of living’ is directly proportional to ‘poverty’.

Have you ever wondered why poverty is such a big issuetoday? Who are responsible for it? What are being done to solve this issue?

I was walking to school today; usual day, busy streets, peoplewalking by, and the usual poor people begging off the streets. Maybe it wasbecause of the previous chain of thoughts that triggered my attention towardsthe issue today which I have avoided before. Why are these people there? Whyare they poor? Some of these people that I see are actually physically adequateto do dirty jobs like digging sewers and labor work. Sure, these aren’t thenicest jobs, but at least they are better off doing them than begging off thestreets. So that leads to my conclusion that these people are not lacking thepotential; they are lacking opportunities.

How do people respond to this? Commonly, there are 4responses:

First response, and the most irritating, is apathy. Justkeep walking, pretend like there’s nothing there, and ignore these people. Theyhave no future anyways, so why bother doing all the work to provide them withaids and help when they don’t have the potential to do anything?

Second response, of which really annoyed me, is avoidance.Yeah yeah, I feel bad for these people, but I can’t really do anything, so I’lljust give them a few coins. I can’t do anything about it, so I’m gonna avoidthinking about helping these people. I’m gonna avoid looking at them andpretend that they are not there so I don’t feel bad about them.

Third response, which is fucking ridiculous, is karma. Thisis Thailand exclusive, so be critical of this. So basically, I’ll just givethem money so that I can get some of the positive karma from doing somethinggood and hope that I’ll be borned in a rich family in my next life.

Fourth response, which is just fucked up, is selfishness.I’m rich, you are poor, therefore too bad so sad for you. I’m already rich, soI don’t give a fuck.

If you fall under any of these four categories, then FUCKYOU.

I don’t understand why people aren’t giving this issueenough attention. Some parents even teach their kids to ignore and avoid thesepoor people. HAH! And people are wondering why the new generation are sospoiled. Those people who criticize the new generation are the ones who raisedthem. Fucking hypocrites everywhere D:

People are being brainwashed into thinking that working hardon jobs and improving the system will alleviate the issue dealing with poverty.Sure, how many people actually came up with that thought themselves. Like, veryfew? The thought does not originate from people themselves; they are told that.And because they didn’t even take a single moment to process it, they are boundto blindly believe it and consider the statement ‘Increasing the standards ofliving will solve poverty issues.’ as true.

That statement is one of the worst bullshit I’ve everencountered. How is improving the system and the standards of living gonnaimprove the situation dealing with poverty when actually, it is the main causeof poverty? It is often told, that people are poor because they don’t work hardenough. Actually, it is because people are working their asses off that theybecome obsessed with success and money. And what happens when that becomes themain force that drives the society? People are now doing what they can toimprove their financial/career standing. Money becomes the power to live, andwhen unemployed people run out of money, they either start committing crimes orbeg of the streets, which I find the latter being more pleasant. At least somepeople who are cornered into poverty don’t go berserk and leech off otherpeople. There are still some good people among assholes.

The system is designed to corner people into poverty. Mostpeople who are borned poor will stay poor. If you don’t have an academicdegree, you’re fucked. If you don’t have connections with influential people,you’re fucked. If you don’t have money, you’re fucked. If you are poor, bothfinancially and academically, then you stay poor. The system makes sure thatonce you are poor, it is nigh impossible for you to get out of it. Back in thegood old days, the liquidity of the system is high; laws are not really set,there are flaws everywhere, and people aren’t really following the system asstrictly as today. Those who are poor can use these flaws as an advantage toimprove their lives through cunning strategies, opportunities, and evencorruption. These flaws keep the system in check; the distribution of wealth ismore balanced. There are no extremely rich people or extremely poor people.

But today, the system is getting closer and closer toperfection and it’s becoming more concrete; corruption and connections arebeing strictly monitored, and the wealth structure of the society is becomingmore rigid. The rich will make more money, and the poor will make less money.The increase in standards of living will enable people who are middle-class andhigher to make more money, live more comfortably, while those who are poor willfall behind in technology, make less money, being exploited of (labor, or evenhuman trafficking), and who knows what else. Nowadays, the only people who cancorrupt are the people who have power; those who are rich, influential, orsimply located somewhere up the food chain. Why? Because they are the ones whocontrol the law.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – AlbertEinstein

Really love this quote. It directly explains the main pointof this blog post. Working hard did get you up the food chain, but that onlyapplies for the past. Today? If you’re poor, start praying for a miracle.People who actually have the same thought as me are just chickening out. Theyknow it is easier to go with the system than going against it. So theirsolution is to get in to college, make sure to get a secure job, and live anice peaceful secure life. Agreeing with the system means higher life security.Well, FUCK YOU TOO. I rather live a short life, fighting for what I believe inrather than living a long life secured by something that I don’t even agreewith. Your choice to make a difference, choose wisely.

Mycella~

PS. @Mint - I have a girlfriend too and my world is relatively pink but that alone doesn't really mess with my blogging abilities (just sayin') :P

Grinding to Top Master Rank

2012-02-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

Alright, I'd calculated the amount of exp required to reach Top Master rank and it totals to about 6000-6500 exp chocolates depending on my performance on each DI round. I bought about 6500 chocolates (both types for x4 epicness) and it falls down to about 2000 games; if I do a normal 40 second round on DI, it would take 15 minutes per game which roughly adds up to about 21 hours of game time in total. Assuming that I would grind for 4 hours a day, this would roughly take 126 days, or 4 months ._.

The reason I'm doing all of this is to meet PWC regulations (with help of 3 control cards or else I would have to grind all the way to Legend rank). It would be a big while until I start practicing skills again.

Anyway, here's my last tourney before I embark on an epic grinding journey:

Recorded a superplay, woot!

Mycella~

Sorry for the Absence

2012-02-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

I've been away for 6 days on a military training camp (required for all males in Thailand according to the law). Forced to wake up 4am every day, did a lot of intensive physical training, literally ate rice with sand and dust, and the worst part of it is when the whole squad of 510 people had to go prone on dirt while covered in sweat. It was fun though, especially when I didn't take a single shower throughout the entire trip. So much win lol.

22 push-ups, sounds so light for people who are reading this but if you know that it took over half an hour to finish it, it's not easy anymore. The damn trainer kept on whining and keeping us in high position in between each push-up and my whole body was shaking. It's not easy to stay in push-up position for over half an hour. Then went prone, crawled for about 50 meters, then rolled on dirt for another 100 meters or something. So much fun ._.

Anyway, really not in think mode lately due to the past-present-upcoming situations. Might not blog ideas/thoughts but rather interesting things respective to my mindset.

Mycella~

Amagami SS Review

2012-01-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

So I finished watching Amagami SS at 2.27am and school's gonna be back in session in approximately 5 hours god damn! D: I finished watching it and rushed here to blog about it.

Anyway, on the overall, this anime is pretty good and I recommend it to those with incredibly strong right arms LOL. Need a review on the anime? Screw Google, I'll give you my review :D

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Summary: Two years ago on Christmas Eve, Junichi got stood up on a date. Ever since, he has always been cautious of falling in love again and dislikes Christmas. Now, as a 2nd year student in highschool, his luck averted his fate towards love and his unusual encounter with one of the six main girls will finally open up his heart to love again.

Regarding the progression of the story, Amagami SS developed a new type of storytelling by morphing the anime into a visual novel format where the story simply reverts back to the beginning every time an ending has been reached. In the anime, there are 6 girls; each girl has a storyline of her own, meaning if there are 6 girls and 24 episodes, then there are 6 stories with each being 4 episodes long. For example, the story of Morishima starts off first, which means her story starts at episode 1 and ends at episode 4. On episode 5, the story is rewound back to the beginning (before episode 1), and this time Junichi runs into Kaoru's storyline. This is a very unique way of telling a story and perhaps, it has pros and cons.

Characters (in the order of the storylines):

Morishima Haruka (on the far right)
An extremely popular senior at her school, Haruka possesses a body of an angel and is fond of cute things. Her playful and optimistic nature is constantly expressed throughout the story, usually by displaying carelessness and temptations for excitement.

Tanamachi Kaoru (to the left and below Haruka)
A friend of Junichi since middle school, Kaoru is a reckless energetic girl who is often incautious of rules. Starting off with her storyline, Junichi and Kaoru both considered each other as 'buddies', and would punch Junichi from time to time in a close-friend-ish manner. She takes part-time jobs in order to help support her family as she is living with only her mother.

Nakata Sae (second person from the left)
She is a freshman and a friend of Miya, Junichi's younger sister. Sae has a soft quiet voice and is extremely shy around men due to the fact that she had always been studying in an all-girl's school.

Nanasaki Ai (to the left and above Haruka)
Another freshman and a friend of Miya, Ai possesses a calm and dark nature. She is a member of the school's swimming team.

Sakurai Rihoko (on the far left)
Junichi's childhood friend, Rihoko, is a clumsy girl who often trips and falls down to the floor. She has a big appetite, and often makes plans for a diet even though her diet history is pretty much full of failures. She has loved Junichi since childhood but her feelings never reached him

Ayatsuji Tsukasa (third person from the left)
Working as the class representative and the president of the Founder's Festival (school fair held annually on Christmas Eve), Tsukasa is a perfectionist and a narcissist. It is later revealed in her storyline that she possess two distinct personalities; one as a persona and the other as the real identity. She is highly manipulative and often set goals of which are considered as a 'must'.

So whose story is the best? In my opinion:
(from best to worst)
Kaoru / Rihoko / Ai / Haruka / Tsukasa / Sae

Three main factors are used to assess these storylines including story progression, emotional development, and display of events. The most important thing in a romantic story is emotional development. - LOVE - According to my English teacher's rules of writing, the very core factors of writing include 2 things; purpose and audience. The purpose of romantic animes is to express love and the director/author must make sure that these romantic feelings are transferred from the anime to the audience.

It was hard to choose between Kaoru's and Rihoko's route since the two was equally great. In the end, I made Kaoru's storyline my favorite by purely judging the ending. Rihoko is continued to be friendzoned by Junichi and I prefer good romantic endings.

With only 4 episodes to tell an entire story, of course the director will have a difficult time trying to simplify things. The story progression on all 6 stories are kinda awkward and many events happened too close to each other. The most important factor that judges the romantic level of each story is emotional development, which is nigh impossible to achieve within 4 episodes. The reason why these two storylines are at a higher romantic level than the other 4 is the fact that there is already a relationship basis in which emotional development can flourish. Both Kaoru and Rihoko have known Junichi for years, giving them a huge advantage for their upcoming romantic struggle. With this foundation, it is much easier to initiate emotional development and actually saves a lot of time by not having to create a relationship basis. This allows the story to be further expressed within limited time and that is why Kaoru and Rihoko's storylines succeeded in transferring over the romantic feelings to a level way above the other 4 storylines.

Nanasaki Ai's route came third in the ranking. The story does well to keep the romance realistic, meaning that the love felt more real than the other 3 (you all know that anime girls are nowhere near human in terms of personalities). Emotional development in this story is kinda fast, but it actually comes out acceptable due to Ai's personalities. She is actually straight-forward in her expressions, and if she loves Junichi, she does not hesitate to show it. This somehow justifies the fast-paced series of events and actually turns inadequacy of emotional development into an advantage.

Upcoming fourth-ranked storyline is Haruka's route. The director actually made a good decision to use this route as the first story of Amagami SS. The story has very little progression, since it is packed with fan-service lovey-dovey events parallel to Haruka's carelessly playful nature. The story ended too short, they were just falling in love and suddenly bamm!!!!, the end -_-. It is best as a start of Amagami SS since it barely has any story in it and it's often times good to start off with something light.

Number 5, Tsukasa's route. Her story is the last story and contrary to Haruka's storyline, Tsukasa's storyline is kinda dark o_o. Story progression is actually pretty good due to the fact that the director actually focuses on the story rather than inserting all these useless fan-service events. Tsukasa is the grudge-holding type, so I guess emotional development is kinda hard to display, thus justifying whatever happens in this area lol. But since it is too dark and it doesn't seem to fit in with the other 5 luminous routes, I ranked it fifth.

The worst position of the ranking system goes to Sae's route. I can fully say that the story is pure shit and the author should write a new story for her. Her personalities have the potential to pull her storyline up to rank 1 but the story that the author had composed came out kinda crappy. The story progression and emotional development is actually very good, but personally I hate the story and that's why it's ranked last. There is also some dude doing a commentary throughout the story, which is extremely annoying, and the commentary also cuts away all the romantic feelings from the story. The director made bad decisions on this one.

Anyway, I speculated that the audience will be dissatisfied with the fast-paced story progression within 4 episodes and there will be either a season 2 or a version 2 of Amagami SS in the future. My speculation is right; Amagami SS Plus is officially announced as season 2, currently being made, and it will explain what happens after the couple is formed, this time with only 2 episodes per story ._.

If a remake of Amagami SS is to happen, I wouldn't mind it having 52 episodes (26 episodes in the original Amagami SS, OVAs inclusive). Now, there is twice the time to invest in story progression and emotional development and actually, many people including me won't mind watching a lot of episodes. In the matter of fact, we actually want romantic animes to be as long as possible (just don't overkill it o_o).

Mycella~

-38 Blue Moon 12321 Pangs / About the Previous Post

2012-01-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

Video Here

So, after watching Mygame's -40 Eastern Valley, I just couldn't help but log on. First round of Blue Moon to warm up and scored -34 or -35, can't recall but I remember the pang score was a bit over 10K. Second round to warm up since I ppic'ed a few times on the first round, I nailed a -38 out of nowhere with 12K pangs. The awesome part of the tourney is the fact that I ended the round in 2nd place. The gold goes to an Amateur Rank with a score of -39 ._.

Hole 10 - Didn't have enough gauge to do a powershot so I had to backspin it with zero idea what the green slope is.

Hole 8 - 1y undercut tomahawk

Hole 6 - 1y undercut dunk

Did pretty well taking in account the fact that this is my second serious round in 7 months. I guess my pangya skills are a bit rusty but is still sharp enough. Saw Nyuu's -39 Deep Inferno just last week and that urged me to get back into the competition lol.

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Regarding the previous blog, I was writing it during a minor emotional breakdown so it came out sounding unrealistic and narrow in vision. I might fix that in the future, or maybe no. I have over 10+ thoughts queued for the blog and I can't stick to one idea forever.

Mycella~

High School & Unconditional Love

2012-01-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

There are over 10 different thoughts/ideas that are queued for my blog but I guess emotions have the privilege to cut in line and come forth. I view my blog as a way to cope with inner turmoil and it has worked so far.

Sorry if I have been absent for over a week. I want to make sure that the PWC post calmed down a bit (it attracted quite a lot of audience) before continuing on with my usual blog style.

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Last year, I was a dick. I failed every single fucking subject there is, came to school late everyday (like over an hour late), ignored my crush, was depressed as fuck, oh well. Because of my attitude, the principal isolated me and I was confined in a small square room in the library for a month. I sat there, miserable, staring at the wall and ceiling and sang songs. I was lonely, frustrated, and when I was let out of the library, I couldn't catch up with the lessons in class. When I came back, no one noticed my presence, my return, as if I was insignificant. No one talked to me, helped me out with school, nor did anyone asked me where I had been. I was alone. I AM alone. Even nowadays when I sit there in my own seat, alone, depressed, miserable, no one cared to even ask me what's wrong aside from the guy who sits next to me. Probably trying to initiate conversation since I'm the only one he can talk to during class (seats are arranged in pairs). Every time I see someone depressed or sad, I just couldn't resist the urge to help that person, doesn't matter if I'm close to the person or not. I understand the feeling of misery, I don't want anyone else to feel the way I feel. And when I'm depressed as fuck, no one seems to care. I saw a girl feeling down, I tried everything to make her feel better. I tried to work things out with others. I tried to socialize. I tried to talk and have fun. I failed.

People often say it's because you try that you fail. Things like these come natural. Fuck that shit, I know that's not true. Last year I didn't do shit and it sucks.

I still don't know why am I here. I'm pretty sure I won't be a productivity to mankind in the future. I used to think of suicide everyday for 2 years and I quit the idea since I'm a coward. I failed every subject and every tests. I'm both an academic and social failure. I have no future. I have zero ability in all fields. I guess all world problems are there because there are too many people who are like me. A loser.

High School. Oh yeah, when I looked up at the post's title, I remembered what I wanted to talk about. I am currently a 17 year old loser so my words have zero credibility. Anyway, I think that high school is the peak of an average person's life. Some people spent 12 years together at the same school since Grade 1 till Grade 12 and it's like family. An average person spends more time with their friends at school than with their family members. Just think about it; at my school, sessions start at 8:00 and ends at 15:45, which is about 8 hours. You go home, talk to your parents and other members for about half an hour during dinner or something, then went up to your room and chat with friends on your computer. School friends are like family. Family members are like friends. Ironic as it sounds, it's also true for many people.

I've been watching an anime called "Amagami SS" and it's a romance. This anime sparks a really good thought in me. High school is when you have the most amount of fun since your parents let you have maximum freedom compared to any other part of school years. High school is possibly the only part of your life when you can fall in love unconditionally; you don't have to worry about money, supporting yourself, your job, or any form of life politics. This allows you to love someone unconditionally since you don't have to worry about anything. When you go into college, you are not as close to peers as in high school. In high school, you are in a classroom of 20-50 people, talking freely to each other during breaks, do projects and assignments together when prompted, and so on. In college, you are among thousands of other peers, people aren't gonna be as close together since they have their shit to deal with. You hang out, drink, party, whatever, but you won't be as close.

To sum it up:

Highschool - Not so many peers, but close friends.

College - A lot of peers, so many acquaintances but barely any friends.

If you are still in high school, you might think you don't have any close friends. When you get into college, you'll understand what 'close friends' really are.

So, thinking about working life after college. I believe that a married couple love each other less than a high school couple. It is because a person don't interact with many people during work years, and ended up marrying another person at the same workplace just for companionship (exclude money issues). I believe that a married couple is as close to each other as typical friends in high school (aside from sex, married couples win on this issue). It is because the system separates people from each other, that the only friends that working people have are co-workers and in some cases, 1-3 die-hard friends from high school or college. People become so lonely that they wanted to get into an intimate relationship with a person of the opposite gender to satisfy psychological (lonely) and sometimes sexual needs. That's why there are too many divorce cases nowadays since marriage is very similar to high school relationships; you establish a relationship with a girl due to intense instant love, then realize that your relationship partner isn't the one for you, then breaks up (for working people, divorce). High school is the best part of life since you don't have to worry about splitting assets in half after divorce, money management, kids, or any form of life politics. You can do anything, and doesn't get in serious trouble for it since you're underaged. You are free. Cherish your high school years.

And I realized this way too late.

Mycella~

Japan's Aim Method Help

2012-01-16T06:51:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'll mark it down to .25 powerbars if you ask for it.

Pangya World Championship 2012

2012-01-14T21:21:00.000-08:00

Youtube Video Here

This year's PWC is held in Thailand at the Game Show. I went to watch the whole game and the first thing I really wanna say is, "there are sooooo many cat ears >w<". Obviously cosplays come alongside games.

Anyway, 3 representatives from each server and Igari won the solo championship again. His ability totally dominates all others' and his consistency is amazing. He managed to pull off a -39 White Wiz round on the first solo with a spike miss on Hole 14. The final solo match, Igari made a -38 Wiz Wiz. What's funny is that it seems as if Igari aimed in the wrong direction on one of the holes. Occasional brainfarts happen to everyone, I guess :P.

Anyway, WellZz and Karti both seemed pissed at the background noises from other game booths and the 1,050 technical problems. The team in charge of technical aspects of the show obviously sucked at doing their jobs and they have to restart the team play twice (Lost Seaway). WellZz looked extremely annoyed about having to play hole 1 of Lost seaway 3 times ._. Anyway, the first round: Thailand vs Global / Korea vs Japan. On the overall, the Korean team is better than Japan, but it seems that they lack calculation speed. As you can see in the video, the time was set wrong. It was supposed to be 20 minutes, but the fuckhead GMs somehow set it up as 15 minutes, and Korea lost to Japan. I was standing right behind Karti and WellZz when watching the first team play round and they were sooooo angry that they don't have time to calculate anything. Karti didn't even finish the round. (Karti missed a 3.6y putt) *cough* Anyway, Thailand and Japan won. Now, to final team play round: Thailand vs Japan / Global vs Korea

During the second team play (Shining Sand) Pett almost got even with Igari, which is amazing. If he chipped in the last hole, it would have been a tie. This time, Korea seems to calculate faster than in Lost Seaway and finished the game about a minute early. However, the Global team is still struggling with the limited time. Japan won the team play and Korea won third place.

Next onto the solo play. First round: White Wiz 18 holes. This time, the GMs managed to get the settings correct and set it to 40 minutes. Everyone chilled the fuck out, and it seems that everyone played better than the team round. Obviously the amount of time really matters to the psychological mindset of the competitors even though some players finished the round with over 5 minutes left. The top 4 players of the first round would then compete in the final round to determine the champion of the world. Igari won the first round with a -39, followed by Yosso with a -38, then Sung with a -37, and finally Nangman with a -36.

Final round: Wiz Wiz 18 holes. I was cheering on Yosso soooo hard, hoping he would bring down Igari's killing spree. On the first few holes, Yosso was actually on par with Igari, and Nangman was in the lead. Igari was in a really bad position, but I guess the Koreans choked or something. I think Yosso pared, and Nangman started missing. Maybe because of the fact that it's the final round that they are choking, but Igari remained calm and maintained his consistency throughout the round. He finished with a -38, and that combined with the first round to get a final score of -77.

On a side note, saw Tonrak / Himari / Nanocontrol / Toozero at the PWC show. I also absorbed a lot of new techniques of which are really useful in playing, especially simplifying calculations and nullifying certain errors. This somewhat revived the motivation to play Pangya within me and I guess I might give it another try.

Mycella~

Cutting in Line - Outcasts and Society

2012-01-09T07:52:00.000-08:00

So I have 3 ideas in mind that I wanna blog about: psychological effects of animes, perspectivism, and coping mechanisms. But after what I recently encountered, the idea of 'Love' cuts into the very front of the line.

Anyway, I am still wondering where the fuck did love go? After thinking about it for a while, it's apparent that love is gone. Like, MOTHERFUCKING gone. I don't understand why people such as me, physically and mentally isolated from society, are not answering the calls from other companions. I mean, COME ON, there are billions of people on this fucking planet and I can't be the only one. In the matter of fact, there are millions of outcasts and there are plenty within one specific society. If I'm fucking alone, and there are thousands of other 'aloners' out there in my city, why can't we all come together and work things out? I'm saying this because I met quite a few since a while back and these people are so depressed and lonely and miserable. They constantly bitch about how lonely they are and wanted someone to talk to, and understand them. I tried initiating conversation with them, tried to help with problems, then these fuckheads pushed me away -_-. When that 'someone' appears, you people just dismiss that person, eh? -_-

So, my conclusion on these cases are; society don't push people away. Contrary to popular beliefs, these outcasts are the ones who actually push the society away. I look back at myself and realized that the reason why I am isolated from the society is because I choose to live this way. When a new idea presents itself, the society immediately recognizes it as a form of threat and tried to force that person with the idea to adapt to the society. The need for social interaction is strong in humans, and most people ended up having to adapt to the society. Of course, it is a reasonable thing to do according to both you and the society, but perhaps all forms of societal and systematic changes are caused by 'unreasonable' people?

There are thousands of people who are pushed away due to their unique ideas and these people also lack the 'love' and social needs, and perhaps what I intend to do as the first step after graduating as a psychologist is, I'd built a group just for these people. New ideas, new friends, no restrictions, and the key to the mechanism running behind this group is 'Relativism'. I bet thousands have come forth to try and establish these groups and some did succeed, but what I dreamed to see is the widespread of this method. Of course, there will be dispute among members as each person thinks he/she is right in a discussion. But that's the whole point; ego causes 'Perspectivism' to form in human minds and now their ideas are 'more valid' than others'. I will elaborate on that term in future blog posts.

I wanna rant about this whole 'Love vs Success' thing again but I feel like I've ranted about it too much in the past -_-. Might do it again, and insert more reasons to back it up.

A friend of mine, who got accepted into Princeton University, has an autistic little brother. He told me, with manly tears in his eyes, that his ambition and motivation comes from his will to help those who are in desperate need, those who are not capable of supporting themselves like his autistic brother. This revived my faith in humanity, and I am seriously touched by it up to today.

LOVE, because life politics is too fucking mainstream.

And I noticed that I've coined the term 'life politics' quite a few times. It is basically all the shit that you supposed to do according to the system. This includes going to school, go to college, get a job, buy a house, create a family, work regularly, do what you supposed to do, all that shit.

Mycella~

Happy New Year - 2012 -

2012-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this in a serene non-thinking mode, so pardon me if this blog post isn't very thoughts-provoking.

So yeah, I'm 2 days late but I still wanna say:

Happy New Year! Now, what are we celebrating?

> The fact that the infamous apocalypse prophecy is happening this year.

> The truth that nothing's changed and all the same world problems presented in 2011 persists onto 2012.

> I'm still 'forever alone'.

> Still no signs/rumors of Spice and Wolf Season 3 being made.

> Shuffle! Essence+ translation project is still in progress.

I have a philosophical terminology I wanted to share but I'm not in think-mode right now, so I guess I'll have to postpone it to a later date.

Mycella~

Stages of Egoistic Development

2011-12-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered why there are so many types and levels of aspirations?

It's weird how humans have millions of different definitions of 'needs'. This is due to many factors including standards of living, social surroundings, previous achievements, level of happiness, doctrinal values, past life experiences, perspectives, and so on. Explaining this would be a pain in the ass so here's an example to speed things up.

A poor man living somewhere in Africa would define 'needs' as 'the basic resources necessary for living' which includes food and shelter. A rich business bastard would define 'needs' as 'resources necessary to maintain and improve the company' which includes computers, money, workers, and so on.

Reading up to this point, you're probably thinking that the rich bastard's definition is wrong. Actually, contrary to popular beliefs, he's not wrong. What he defines as needs are resources that are actually necessary to run a business. If the company lacks these resources, then maintenance of that business is not possible. Up to this point, you are probably thinking, 'Okay, maybe Mycella has a point. But still, if you are not a business owner, that becomes unnecessary. What that African man needs are really the 'needs' that are necessary to live.'

Which leads to my question prior to the explanation, 'why are there so many types of aspirations?' Now this is where I use the term displayed in the topic, 'Stages of Egoistic Development'. If you are a psychologist, you are probably thinking where the term comes from. I bet it probably doesn't even exist but I'm making up this term and I advise you to empty your cup if you want to learn something new.

Back to the idea, what the rich bastard needs are actually needs, and you might disagree with this. But when I say, 'it is a need, but it's not universal (meaning not applied to everyone)', then you start to agree more. Or no? What that bastard needs is actually what only business companies need in order to survive. While what the African need is universal and is what all humans need. When you look at it, needs include the necessary resources required to keep something alive, whether that thing is a living organism or not.

And let's get to the main idea. Stages of Egoistic Development defines what your aspirations are (including your needs and wants). Starting off from the very basic needs that all humans desire, you need food and shelter to survive. Then when you have that covered for a period of time, your ego starts to get a little bigger and now you desire to acquire something more. Now this is when 'wants' cuts in. When people have a roof over their heads and food on the table, they start to look for something that would improve their standards of living both physically and mentally; meaning either making them more comfortable or happier. And wants becomes diverse. The next common wants that people desire right after the basic needs are furniture, transportation, a stable job, and so on. When those are acquired, people live with them long enough that these ex-wants becomes a part of their lives and now they turn into needs. As time goes by, transportation, furnitures, and a stable job become necessary for living. And when that happens, now people start to look even further into things that could improve their lives. This is where the next level of wants comes and notice that the higher the level of wants goes, the harder it is to acquire. And the harder it is to acquire, the happier an individual becomes when actually acquired. People tag high levels of wants as 'aspirations' and these generally include a promotion in their current position at their job or a family.

So, are you getting the idea? If not, reread the previous paragraph and look closely how needs are formed aside from food and shelter. This should be adequate in backing up the statement, "needs include the necessary resources required to keep something alive, whether that thing is a living organism or not."

Doctrinal values also played a major role in shaping aspirations of an individual. Which basically means that certain things that are important/influential to you might not be important/influential to someone else. For instance, I believe that people with opportunities should be helping those without opportunities. This becomes my aspiration (and even my dream) while many others who heard my ideas tell me they don't give a shit.

And if you notice, I used the word 'bastard' to refer to the rich business owner. This also shows you how much value I give to these people and their lives.

This post is actually a response post for this:

http://bonzook.blogspot.com/2011/12/read-this-before-anything-else-its.html

Bonzomi starts on his ideas about half way through and my response to his idea is: he is focusing too much on one specific area and level of ego.

A person who's level of ego is lower than this level would be thinking, 'Why the fuck do I have to care about this issue? I have other things to worry about. Why be happy about doing things for others when I barely get enough food each day?'

A person who's level of ego is higher than this level will be thinking, 'Why makes others happy? I have shit to do, like working my ass off to get a promotion and get more money.'

Anyway, if only taking in account this level of ego, I still have comments.

Here's are some quotes pulled from that post of which I can link my ideas on this post to:

"How about if you were given fruits for free? You would greatly appreciate it, it's free, and it's something you need, and of course, you won't be wishing for a laptop, iphone or a car during the old times. How do you really feel? Do you feel like that you owe him something? No? Well yeah, probably not, but what do you feel about the guy that just helped you? If you had something in excess like him, would you return the favor? Do you feel somehow, attached to him? Are you happy to know people like him? Well I'm not greedy, I care about people who cared about me. I'm human, so why not? I'll help him."

Actually, if Bonzomi really think broad enough, he might get an idea how people value different things. Of course he is the author of the post, so he used his personal thoughts to define what is true. Actually, some others might actually feel like they owed the fruit-giver a favor, or others (out of pure selfishness) just doesn't really give a fuck and take the fruits for granted without caring for that generous person. There are too many types of people in the world, obviously you can't look from one perspective to analyze society.

"- you can love helping people to eat what they want, and have you ever wondered, ever enjoyed, to see the smile on your customers when they eat the delicious food you just made? You made a burger with all of your heart, place the ingredients to make it taste just nice, arrange it to look better. Now have a look at your customers enjoying their food, doesn't that make you happy?"

Again, people have different doctrinal values. This makes Bonzomi happy, but he writes as if it makes everyone else happy too, which it doesn't. Of course many other people are happy due to this too, but it's not applied to everyone. It's best to analyze individuals instead of society as a whole. I prefer helping people personally rather than generally.

"The fact that some people really enjoyed your food is already enough to motivate you to do more."

AGAIN, reread previous comment.

Anyway, I want to elaborate on this statement more, 'I prefer helping people personally rather than generally.' I prefer this for several reasons.

1) I get to know them personally, which mean there's more information added to my data bank for future references and I'm also actually interacting with the society. I mean, going out there in a middle of a group of strangers, your appearance isn't enough to account that as a form of socialization. Talking and interacting is (acquaintances), and personal interactions are even better (friends, close friends, couples, etc.).

2) This improves my understanding of both myself and others.

3) When things get complicated, I think more. I know more. I learn more. And perhaps, I can use other people's problems as a reference to solve mine in the future. Even better, I can even improve my personal self and prevent these problems from occurring.

4) When I get personal with someone, I tend to feel better about myself. Self-esteem issues ._.

Anyway, this post is getting long and I'm actually drifting off from my original point.

Mycella~

Regarding the Schedule

2011-12-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

I think I'll just blog whenever I want since it's much better for me to express myself in times that I wanted to. That's all I have to say.

Anyway, during the Vietnam School Trip, in 5 days I slept for a total of 7 1/2 hours -_-.

Night 1 : 2 hours
Night 2 : 1/2 an hour
Night 3 : 3 hour
Night 4 : 2 hours

Have to say, it is quite an interesting turn of events regarding my personal life though. I have learned and confirmed many thoughts.

Mycella~

Super Quick Update

2011-12-22T02:15:00.000-08:00

So I am currently on a school trip to Vietnam, and the boat stay was wonderful last night. First of all, midnight meant that it is 22 December - my crush's birthday. I dragged her out to the isolated area of the deck, said "happy birthday", and used this opportunity to make a change in our current relationship. We had a 'couples' talk and thanks god, she finally figured out what went wrong with the relationship regardless of me telling it to her 2 days ago ._.

So anyway, the content of the conversation will stay hidden but I just feel the strong urge to blog this line -

Crush: Are you trying to persuade me to say 'yes'?
Me: Is there any guy on earth who would persuade a girl to say 'no'? -_-

Common sense for the win. *facepalm*

* yes/no in a sense of acceptance/rejection

Anyway, been thinking a whole lot and I have an idea in mind of which could possibly appear on the next blog post.

Mycella~

Reflecting Myself

2011-12-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

So I wanna talk about a friend of mine who got accepted into Yale just 3 days ago. His real name will be hidden and I'll use "Dave" instead. Dave is half Thai-American.

I have to congratulate Dave for his achievements not because he got into Yale, but because he went through so much shit before actually getting there. His parents are poor, and Dave had been in something like 5 different schools (not sure about the exact amount) because he got kicked out every single time for not being able to pay for tuition. His English is perfect but he can't really understand Thai all that much. He once enrolled in a Thai school and failed miserably (Thai schools are 10 times cheaper than international schools here). In Grade 9, Dave transferred to the same school I'm in and I became his only friend (ironic how xenophobia is so strong in Thai society). We hung out, talk a lot, play games, watch movies, it was a lot of fun. What we really enjoyed doing together is discussing ideas and events. And during that time spent, I notice the extreme levels of ambition in his thoughts. I remember him talking about wanting to study in Yale back in Grade 9. Apparently he got his aim straight and he nailed it.

He got a full scholarship from a US highschool and apparently he worked hard for it. He transferred there in Grade 10.

Dave told me over and over again that his ambitions comes from him getting kicked out too often for not being able to pay for tuition. Apparently that made him hungry.

So basically, his family's poor, he got bad inconsistent education, struggled his way through, and somehow ended up in Yale. Now that's a quality life idol.

And then I look at myself. I sit on a pile of gold, with access to technology, have good education, opportunities, and somehow I didn't seem to care. Then Dave really gave me a wake up call. After knowing of his past, I just couldn't help but think about how much of a fucker I was. Those people out there, in desperate need of opportunities, struggling their way through just to survive. And here I am, sitting, being a fuckhead, taking money for granted, and depleting good resources each day when those people needed resources more than I do. Then I started asking myself, "why am I in this position when others deserved it more than me?" Then my brain simply told me to "go fuck myself", which I did, and last year I failed pretty much every single god damn class there is. And that's where all the unstoppable thoughts are basically about; 'how much of a fuckhead I am living life'.

I just can't stop thinking about those in need of help; in need of financial aid and opportunities. This is the whole reason why I want to be a psychologist; all forms of performance depends upon the state of the mind. I want to help people. I started helping people with problems since Grade 8 and somehow that isn't enough for me even though I was just in Grade 8 back then. I feel like I must get myself to a position more significant, which leads me to the idea of becoming a psychologist.

Breaking up in a relationship. Having no friend. Teenagers getting in fights with their parents for not giving them enough freedom. Trying to commit suicide because he/she failed a test. Getting in fights with friends who stabbed you in the back. You think these are real teenage problems.

Then look at Dave. Now all the shit above means nothing to me.

Mycella~

Oops !

2011-12-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that my two previous blog posts are too damn long and contains barely any ideas. Most of the content is related to my personal life. Future blog posts will be shorter than those two and will appear according to a specific schedule.

* Every Thursday and Sunday * (starting this upcoming Sunday)

PS. The schedule can be slightly altered since life is not consistent.

Mycella~

Reasons

2011-12-13T02:26:00.000-08:00

This is relatively long, and hopefully you'll know more about me after you're done reading this post.

I've been thinking about reasons why I do certain things. I notice that some things just don't make logical sense and I have no idea why I do them regardless of the brain telling me not to. But for some other things I manage to find reasons behind it.

Why did I start blogging ideas?

Why did I stop caring about my future 2 years ago?

Why do I care so much about people who I don't know really existed?

Why do I still push myself to get my crush when my brain gives me a thousand reasons not to do so?

Why do I always keep my distance from everyone else?

Why do I get to be in this position (rich parents, good education, etc) when there are others who deserved to be where I stand?

What am I doing? Why am I here?

People are telling me that I'm helping others too much and myself too little. Is that true? If yes, is that bad? Why am I doing so?

The more answers I get, the more questions appear. This is mainly because the answers to those questions lead to more questions and I don't see an end to it. But regardless, I still try to dig deeper and deeper into it and that's maybe the whole reason why I stayed up for like 40 hours and didn't even know it. I often get lost in thought as I sink down into a pool of questions of which will spawn more questions when answered. So why am I thinking even when I know there's no end to it?

So why did I start to blog ideas?

Let me tell you an overview of my life up till today. My family is consisted of 7 people - dad, mom, and 5 kids. Of course, they don't have time to take care of all of us, and they often hired babysitters. I was always the hyperactive kid, always playing around by myself at home with keys. I remembered well, how I was sulking because no one would pay attention to me. I was about 4 years old , but the memories and thoughts are still vivid in my mind. I started playing around with keys, and over time I come to learn that these keys make those metal domes function, and dad sits in it and use it everyday. So I hid the keys, and everytime he needed them, mom would come over to me and asked for them. That's all I ever asked for; my presence to be noticed.

At the age of 6, my mom took me to a psychologist and I was diagnosed with ADHD. I started taking medications which I remembered myself despising them. I has always been hyperactive, either physically or mentally, and I hate to be restricted by any means. I remembered myself throwing those pills away secretly and was eventually caught by a teacher. After that, I was required to take pills in front of the homeroom teacher all the way till the end of 3rd grade. Sometimes I successfully tricked the teacher and hid the pill under my tongue to be spit out later.

In grade 4, my mom finally understood me (yes, I started making logical explanations since grade 3) and she also agreed how the pills restricted my potential to think and how I wasn't proactive. So I stopped taking the pills starting Grade 4 and my ability to think came back, fuck yeah. Grade 4 is the same year my crush transferred to the school. She was interesting, kinda quiet and insignificant at the time, but yet somewhat intelligent and appealing (right now she's super intelligent ._.). As a kid approaching adolescence, I got interested in her.

In grade 7, 4 students transferred in, one of which would become my close friend later on. Weird ADHD effects started to cut in and I fail to notice at the time. I started getting out of control randomly and got in detention many times (class record).

In grade 8, I became somewhat more mentally active. I started this group called 'circle of friends' of which consisted of 4 people and we swore to share problems with each other and fix it together. The reason why I created this group will be explained later. I did academically well enough this year to receive an award for high academic potential. I also became interested in another girl. So basically I am interested in both my crush and the other girl at the same time. Adolescence, so what? >.<

In grade 9, I had a mental breakdown caused by overthinking and an increase in mental stress (bad parenting, lonely, miserable, all that shit). I went kinda out of control and went aggressive at 2 girls in class. One of them cried, the other one hated me so much I don't know how to compensate for it even today. Then I started changing myself for the better and started doing things that would distract myself from mental overload. I started drawing pictures, reading novels, and so on. I also started keeping my distance from everyone else since I don't want anyone to get caught in another mental breakdown. I don't wanna hurt anyone, anymore.

Grade 10, I realized that distracting myself from thinking by playing around is no longer enough. I started thinking more and more and my brain started to hurt. I could no longer sleep at night, and I needed something that I could preoccupy myself with. I started to play online FPS, watch anime, read visual novels, etc. My mom also took me to a psychologist and he prescribed diazepams, an antidepressant. I love those pills at times, and hate them at other times. As I was browsing randomly through the internet, I came across a forum. I read about a person who argues that Pangya is the most difficult online game there is so far. He gave a sample of Pangya calculation and some explanations related to HWI and bingo!, I finally found the ideal game to keep me preoccupied. I was so obsessed with it that I started creating hwi tables during class and failed most subjects in school. My GPA dropped from 3.4 to a 2.1. But I don't fucking cares as long as it keeps me from mental stress.

Grade 11, I really got into Pangya and started to record rounds for Youtube and create this blog to update Pangya achievements. The school's guidance teacher called me in to discuss my problems, of which I simply replied with a 'I don't give a fuck' euphemism of which pissed her off and sent me to a meeting with the school board. I was locked away in the library for a whole month, not being able to go anywhere during school sessions and was required to study on my own. Of course, fuck that shit. I don't care about studying and went ahead to print lyrics and sing songs in a square room in the library. The board noticed that this method is not working (and with all the logic there is, how is this method gonna fucking work with anyone?) and a month later, released me from captivity.

Grade 12, I started blogging about ideas and as you can see, I finally confessed my feeling to my crush after like 8 years of having to keep my feeling for her in secrecy. She replied with a 'maybe' and kept me waiting. And everything else you need to know that happened in Grade 12 (which is this year) can be found in my previous posts.

Okay, a pretty long overview about my life so far and here comes an explanation for the shit that happened.

I wanna make a change.

Since childhood, I've always been alone. Even up to today, I go to school alone, I eat alone, I walk at malls alone, I do all the shit alone. It's only at school when my friends are with me. I like school regardless of how bad the curriculum is and there are 2 reasons why I like it:

1) To socialize with friends and even some teachers.

2) To stalk my crush everyday and imagine being in a relationship with her ._.

It's just sometimes that I just need someone, anyone, who would listen to me rant about these ideas that intrigues me. I don't need anyone to give opinions, I just need someone who cares to listen. Well, giving opinions is better. And of course, life sucks as it is and that person never appeared. It drives me crazy to keep everything in mind and this is the whole reason why I started blogging ideas. I don't care if no one gives a fuck about my ideas. As long as they are blogged, my ideas are accessible to everyone with internet connection. This really relieves my brain. One of the main problems I like my crush for 8 years is because somehow, god knows why, when I'm near her, my brain tends to shut down. She told me I often act weird, well duh! Brain shuts, social skills shut down too ._.

But I really understand the miserable feeling when you needed help, but didn't get it. I didn't get help when I needed it, and I know how that can lead to a lot of psychologically horrifying events. That is the whole reason why I cared so much about people in need of help regardless of whether I know them personally or not. I used to think of suicide everyday for a whole year and a half. When I think about it; studying, getting into college, get a job/career, somehow those don't matter anymore. When I see someone in desperate need of help, certain things come into focus.

I wanna help those without opportunities.

I wanna help the poor.

I wanna assist those who are in need of psychological help and don't get them.

I wanna help future generations to realize their true life purposes.

'Love' is the most efficient form of help of which will lead to many other thing.

And for that, the system must be changed.

I didn't get help when I needed it. I know how miserable this made me. I wanna make sure people won't experience what I have experienced. I can't save everyone, I'll do what I can.

Happiness matters.

I wanna make a change.

Mycella~

About Me (Super Late Introduction) :D

2011-12-09T21:18:00.001-08:00

So, I've been scrambling through various blogs and I notice how every other blogs are different from mine. Common blogs usually contain informations about the blogger's life and lately I've been only blogging about ideas rather than what's going on with me. And from what I've heard, stalkers want to know more about what the person does than what the person is thinking. And from what I know, I've got quite a few stalkers ._.

Anyway, here comes a late introduction (a year late actually for those who have read and followed my blog since December 2010).

My birthday is on August 22, 1994. As of today, I am 17 years old. I prefer it if people refer to me as Mycella on the internet since I'm a Thai citizen and our names sound so bad when pronounced by people from different countries worldwide lol.

I usually do things online since the internet is a way to get intact with people all around the world. The most effective way to do this (in my opinion) is to play an online game in an international server (or global server if available) and instead of playing, I rather chat and socialize. Socializing in-game, sounds like I'm a forever-alone guy but in all honesty, I do so not because I don't have friends in real life but rather, I get bored of having to meet the same psychological mindsets from my social-physical surroundings and I rather explore new minds online. But perhaps this is one of the problems since people often create false personas when going online. But that's the whole fun - one of my favorite pronounced-weird-by-common-people hobbies is to crack into people's personalities via a provoke-response method developed to bring out instinctive personalities-based actions from the other party. And don't get me wrong, I'm a friendly guy despite that badass hobby and feel free to contact me if you are interested in talking. I'm always eager to talk to people and absorb new ideas.

Contact Info:
Email: penpal108@hotmail.com (for Skype, Windows Live Messenger, and Facebook)
Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/penpal108

If you check out my Youtube Channel, you'll see some game music videos. That's another one of my hobbies - I like applying creativity to video editing even though I suck at it -_-. A typical person plays online games. I log on to an online game to socialize and make music videos. Oh the difference :D.

I just bought a laptop not long ago and here are the details:
Dell Inspiron N5110
Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit
Intel Core i7-2670QM Processor (2.2GHz with Turbo Boost up to 3.1 GHz)
15.6 inch 1366x768 display with LED backlighting
8GB DDR3 Memory (1333MHz)
640GB 5400rpm HDD
1.6GB Intel HD Integrated Graphics combined with NVIDIA GeForce GT 525M (1GB DDR3 dedicated video memory) with NVIDIA Optimus Technology

------ End of Introduction ------

So what's going on in life lately?

On November 22, the whole family went to Singapore and holy mother of god, the huge difference in both physical and social structures compared to Thailand. But anyway, let's not get into the geek stuff for now. So my dad took about 10 other friends to Singapore with us and they had fun emptying their bank accounts in the casino. By the way, we stayed at Marina Bay Sands and holy shit, this place is too mainstream. I saw customers from at least 10 different countries, no joke. The facility is kinda amazing, and my favorite part of the whole frigging elegance is the bathroom, which is designed perfectly for a porn location. The bathroom door is a sliding panel, with no locks or anything, and the subrooms (toilet and shower) also has no locks. So basically anyone can enter the bathroom at anytime despite someone already in there. I took showers whenever my brothers are out of the room to make sure they don't pull pranks on me.

Anyway, after arrival, my dad gave each of his children 2000 dollars and a euphemism of which, through interpretation, means "fuck off". So basically, he gave us 2000 dollars each and let us do anything and go anywhere during our short 3 days trip. My dad and his friends spent pretty much all day (and half the nights) in the casino. Both my brothers are over the age limit and they were enjoying themselves either in the casino or drinking, and I was basically alone most of the time, getting on the taxi, going wherever I want (mostly the malls). Then this awesome idea struck me - let's buy a laptop :D.

Also bought a few souvenirs for my crush >w<

My dad's solution (and yes, I intentionally opted the word) may seem irresponsible to most people, but I think it's a very effective way to indirectly teach us. My brothers and I learn to do a lot of things on our own via this method, and even though I don't get that much family warmth, but what I get as compensation is far more valuable in my opinion.

Day 1: Arrive at 7am
Everyone except me went to the casino to register as a member. Not much happened, I walked around to explore the facilities of Marina Bay Sands (that place is huge) and found this awesome place on the roof of the Shoppes building. It's a long corridor decorated with flowers along both sides and at night, the glimmering lights from the surrounding skyscrapers make this place look gorgeous. I remember fantasizing - me and my crush walking together along that corridor, chatting, having a nice romantic time. And I also remember bringing myself back to reality and becoming really depressed since I know that picture is only available within the brain. The chances of us becoming a couple is small enough, let alone having a stroll like that in a beautiful outdoor corridor.

Day 2: A full day
Went to sleep at 2am, woke up at 4am for no reason, think about random things, then went to bed at 5am, then woke up at 8am. Since morning, I went to a mall and chose my laptop. Came back, went to Universal Studio with my 2 brothers. I'm afraid of heights and high-speed roller coasters, so the only two that I played are the Madagascar boat trip and the 4D Shrek Movie. I have to say that that the boat trip trolled me pretty bad. At the very end, there's this waterfall and it appeared that our boat would be passing through it. I had a newly-bought headphone around my neck and my phone in my hands. My brother had an ipod touch in hand, and the other one had a book. All three of us looked at each other, then freaked out. I was wearing a coat, so everyone handed me all their belongings, I covered them with my coat, and bent myself down to cover the coat as well. Then the waterfall was gone ._. TROLLED!!!

We walked around, checked out areas in Sentosa, then took a cable across a small strait of which almost gave me a heart attack. It's really high DX

Went back, had an awesome bowl of ramen, then everyone went to the casino. I went up to the room, took out my portable hard drive (512GB), installed all necessary programs onto my laptop, and tweaked around with system settings and graphic optimization. Then went to bed alone at 1am.

Day 3: Departure at 8pm
Woke up at 6am, everyone else looked wasted. So I turned on my laptop and continue tweaking graphics optimization and installed all the games presented in my portable hard drive. Played a bit of Stepmania to wake up my response-senses. Packed, went out to take some picture around town, and came back to the room to monitor my mom sleeping in bed for the next 2 hours. She seemed so wasted so I didn't mind sitting there looking like a retard.

Went to the airport at 5pm, then spent the rest of the waiting time playing games on my laptop. After arriving at Bangkok Thailand, tried to call my crush but she didn't pick up. It's 10pm so it sounded somewhat reasonable. Probably watching movies with her parents again.

Then back to the old boring life.

Finished Modern Warfare 3 in 6 hours on veteran mode, then played Blur. Currently watching 12 ongoing animes at the same time of which one episode of an anime is aired per week. So that averaged down to about 2 episodes per day. My 2 favorites out of the 12 is 'The Idolm@ster' and 'Guilty Crown'. There are barely any good animes released this year. The ones I tagged as acceptable includes 'GOSICK', 'Dantalian no Shoka', and a few more of which I can't recall at the moment. Need to check my 900GB+ anime storage again. I'm a semi-otaku :D

Been playing a few visual novels.

Finished Shuffle! and I love Asa's route. The eroge scenes are done pretty well and focuses more on spiritual aspects rather than physical senses.

Currently playing 999: 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors and getting really pissed how I end up dying in every single fucking ending D:

Sleeping irregularly for the past few weeks. No definite sleeping schedule. Most people have the day-active night-sleep routine but I seem to sleep regardless of the sun. For instance:

W - Wake up
S - Sleep

W 3am / S 1pm / W 5pm / S 8am / W 10pm / S noon

And so on. No definite sleep routine nor duration. Just last week, I was awake for about 40 hours and I don't know why. Been thinking too much about things I guess. I really miss those diazepams I used to take.

Having no sleep routines also have side-effects. I started experiencing these weird imaginations, of which appeared to be a dream but isn't. There's this one time when I can control whatever's gonna happen in my dream but only for about 10 seconds before I realize that I'm controlling it and wake up. Pretty damn cool. Sometimes I can't tell that I'm awake and actually thought that my imaginations are just another dream until I realize that I'm sitting in front of my computer with my eyes open. Another side effect is that my body's core temperature isn't set. I started getting weird pulse rates and feeling dizzy. I looked it up on the internet, and I found out that the body's core temperature differs from day and night, since that's when people are active and sleeping, respectively.

Currently playing Emil Chronicle Online on Atomix Private Server (closed Beta).

If you managed to read this far, then you probably know a lot more about me personally :D.

Mycella~

True Story

2011-12-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

Talents and Self Interests

2011-12-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Was bored as usual, so I decided to embark on a new expedition. I have not clarified the 'Love vs Success' idea all that much but due to my AHDH nature, I decided to drop the focus. So nowadays I've been mindblasting myself with another topic: 'Talent and Self Interests'.

--------------------------------------------------

Some people fail to be decisive in living life. I think this is one of the main problems with the new generation; teenagers and even many adults are not exploring themselves but rather accept whatever is going to happen. These people fail to notice their life purposes (I personally believe that there is no such thing as a life purpose as you have to make one up for yourself - all forms of life ends with death). They have no idea what they want to do, what they want to be, or even how they are going to live life. The simple cause of the issue lies within ignorance due to high standards of living. People don't care what is going to happen in the future; they are already living a good life leeching off their parents.

It is true that life doesn't always proceed according to plan and there are many who question the importance of planning ahead. Some people are afraid that all the time and effort spent thinking and planning would go in vain and it's better if they just live through each day and be adaptive. That is perhaps a very good point, but it indicates how they don't understand the real purpose of planning. A plan gives you a direction, not a definite goal and without one, you'd be wondering around aimlessly. It doesn't matter if you don't get to where you wanted to be but at least it's better to live a life of which most things go according to what you want.

So basically, it's good to be adaptive but it's better if you also have a direction. My personal message is:
"Don't be afraid of failure. If you try, you might fail. But if you don't try, you will fail."

So that's just the introduction to the topic.

So how is that related to 'Talent and Self Interests'?

Given that:
You are 18 years old. You are in the last year of highschool, talented in the field of Physics, won the Physics Olympics, and several top-class universities are offering you scholarships. Your parents, your teachers, and everyone else have high expectations of you.

Case 1:
Let's say you don't know what you wanted to be, so you decided to meet the expectations of others around you and enroll in one of the universities specialized in the fields of Physics. 10 years later, you got your Ph.D in astronomy. You spend 5 years working in a lab, then you realize you are not happy with the career. You now know how you don't want to live but you still don't know how you want to live. Even if you know how you want your life to function but by then it's a bit too late.

Thoughts:
I believe we only have one life to live and we should make best out of it. Even though thinking and planning life ahead despite knowing of the extreme uncertainty requires a lot of time, but the time spent is worth it. Either spend your time thinking as a young human being or spend the rest of your post-college years regretting why the fuck you didn't try to figure out your life. Your choice.

I came across this epic quote on the internet and it says something like: "If you end up living a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, or some guy on the internet telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it."

Case 2:
Let's say you have your self-interests figured out. You wanted a career involving 2D animation. Would you choose to live life according to your talents or would you rather pursue your self-interests?

What if your self-interests are only temporary?
What if your gift doesn't feed your spirit nor your happiness?
What if a career in 2D animation isn't lucrative nor stable?

By living a life based on your talent, there's a much higher probability that your life will be stable and secure. But what if you're not happy doing that?

What do you believe is more important: 'Love' or 'Success'?
What do you rather base your decisions on: 'Talents' or 'Self-interests'?
And ultimately, what do you value more: 'Happiness' or 'Life security'?

Personally: Love / Self-interests / Happiness

I advise you to start exploring yourself now.

-Mycella-

A Dream

2011-11-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

I am running through my thoughts, thinking why I choose to live this way. I was suddenly pulled back to the cruel reality behind the curtains as illusions are playing on stage. I am now depressed, miserable, and realistic. I have a dream... a dream to live happily in serenity.

Back then, I had always thought to myself the imperfections of the system. I looked back in history and I see blood, stained everywhere on earth, repetitively. I look at the present day and all I see is the same shit in a different form.

People competing for jobs.
People stealing in order to survive each day.
Guys fighting over the same girl.
The poor starving, begging for change.
The rich exploiting the poor, not giving even one damn fuck about how bad impoverished lives are.
Working everyday to get to where they want to be, and wasting every minute they have doing just that.
Towers and luxuries built for the rich by labors trying their best to put food on the table and a roof above their families.
Having to live a life ridiculed and restricted by asshole authorities.

This world is currently in a state of war. A peaceful war. People are suffocating slow... so slow that they are not aware of the peril on top of their existence. On top of their lives.

The moment I looked away... the moment I turned against my own doctrinal values and started pursuing personal goals, I was happy. And blinded. Then today I realized that my happiness was just an illusion, a metaphorical fraud.

Why are we fighting?
What are we fighting for?
What is the purpose of life?
Why are we doing the same thing everyone's been doing since the past when the past is filled with tragedy?
What do you get from being successful?
Happiness? ...really?
If you have millions of dollars but no friends or family or loved ones, would you be happy?
Or rather, if you make enough to live each day with your loved ones, would you be happier?

I just want to live in serenity... in peace. I want a life where the future doesn't matter, nor does the past, only the present. I want to be with my loved ones, content with living each day, and not living a life of tomorrow. I wanna be happy.

I wanna make a change.

People say I'm being idealistic. I know. But regardless of that, I still keep hope alive.

Hope. It's the last thing I've got.

I still believe those days are there to come.

If not, then what am I waiting for?

Mycella~

SAT Test Preparations

2011-11-16T10:40:00.000-08:00

Just bought a book full of SAT practice tests. Hmm, let's see how far I can go within 17 days before taking the actual test.

o Total of 17 days to self study, starting from scratch.

o Have to ignore vocabs entirely since there are a total of 5000 words or something - -.

o Self teaching and one frigging damn book mean I don't get to practice any of my essay writing skills.

o The book barely teaches anything, and only provides answers without an explanation for them. That means I have to look at the answers and figure it out myself why it's the way it is.

o I have almost zero mathematics knowledge. The only thing I'm good at is multiplying numbers in my head (used for Pangya).

o I don't have enough motivation. Actually, I'm being pretty damn logical and sees no reason why I should put time and effort into this. I guess this whole systematic requirements just goes against my doctrinal values.

And yes, according to life politics, I'm almost fucked.

My - Cell - A (That's what the name 'Mycella' actually means when I use it)

An Alternative Solution

2011-11-11T08:31:00.000-08:00

From now on, my blog will focus more on life ideas and if you're only interested in games, this blog won't be worth following.
_________________________

When mentioning the term 'humans', what's the first thing that comes to mind?

I don't exactly know what the first thing that comes to your mind is, but I can guess that the majority has something negative.

Wars?
Parasites?
Apathy?
Greed?

Most people will probably fall into the 'pessimists' category, and I don't blame them for it. They've seen enough shit, and probably have done enough themselves to know that we are not as great as some top-class philanthropists say we are. It doesn't matter how much good we are capable of. What does matter is how much of our potential are actually surfacing and being put into effect. The world is currently full of shit. Natural resources are being depleted day by day, the balance of the biosphere is disrupted to the point of no return, the atmosphere is weakening, animals are going extinct, people in certain areas are starving to death, drug abuse, riots, wars, apathy towards cruelty, and what else?

It all falls down to mental development in children. This takes in account parenting, education, social factors/interactions, and perception of the world. Kids are being raped of their creativity. Their pure innocent young minds, ready to learn, flexible to new ideas, are now being shaped negatively; pretty much involving the elites, higher-class people, the authorities, education and the cirriculum, shitty parents/guardians, trolls on the internet, asshole friends, and other bad influences. The world is currently in bad shape, the future looks even worse.

So what's my alternative solution?

Stop being obsessed about leaving a better world for our children. Try to leave better children for the world. That way, every shit can possibly be resolved since you people have shown no potential nor any ability to fix the current global situation.

Mycella~

Possibilities & Gaming

2011-11-02T03:49:00.000-07:00

Reality's a bitch. I don't know how tough life is for other people, but mine's really unstable abstractually (mentally). Either I'm really getting hit hard or just psychologically weak, or maybe both.

My city's flooded (up to 2m+ in some areas), the 'love of my pathetic little life' doesn't seem to care about me, my parents abandoned me (they fled the city before the flood, left me behind, havn't heard from them in over a month, and they didn't leave any money for me), I'm still both an academic and societal failure, and I'm wasting good resources in order to survive each day.

I'm not supposed to be here.

Also, saw people fighting for food in the supermarket today. Also saw a baby crying on the pavement and no one seems to care. Motherfucking apathy's the new plague.

Again, reality's a bitch.

Planning to do some real heavy Pangya sessions to get my minds out of it. If that happens, I'll be even more hardcore into it than I've ever been (something like 15 consecutive hours of Pangya a day or something). And of course, -35s aren't adequate anymore and I'll probably aim for perfection (-40s and up).

Already practiced a few rounds today, -39 BL before I got disconnected on the last hole. It was 7m wind, so no guarantee that I'll ace a -41 that round.

Mycella~

Rant on Thai Society

2011-10-22T04:10:00.001-07:00

I was pissed off the other day from what I saw on the bus and I feel the urge to rant about it.

So I was on the bus the other day, and all the seats have been taken. There are 5 adult females (yes I actually counted), grandma (over the age of 60), 2 elementary school girls, a guy (in his mid-20s I assume), and I standing, grabbing hold of the overhead rail. The bus approached a bus stop, and a girl got up from her seat to head down from the bus. The grandma was also heading down at that stop. This is what pissed me off; right before the 2 elementary girls are about to take the seat (and from what I saw, I think they're gonna share the seat together since they are relatively small in size), the guy slipped past the two girls and took the seat. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of all the people standing, the guy took the seat. I was outraged by what I saw and if it wasn't for the fact that another seated guy had decided to give up his seat to the 2 girls after seeing what has happened, I would have yelled at that bastard. Seriously, what has our society come to?

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." - Mohandas Gandhi

I'd love to believe in the words of Gandhi but I've only been on earth for 17 years and I've seen shitloads of assholes like these. The issue now doesn't deal with a few drops of contamination, but rather with a few drops of purity remaining. I'm not being an optimist or a pessimist, but I'm looking at this from a realist's point of view. As long as people are still aiming for success in their life, humans shall continue to head towards apathy, cruelty, and inequality. Instead of looking forward to our goals and working our asses off to get to our desired destination, why don't we look back to grasp what we've left behind, look up to view the current 'climate', and look around to see what is actually going on around us rather than around our destination?

If it's human nature's fault that we are selfish little insignificant bastards, then why not change now? We live in a civilized world and our doctrinal values can be altered. It's not like we live like cavemen and the only thing that we can trust in order to survive is our instincts. Or maybe we are? Cuz' from what I've seen, we havn't deviated much from the mindset of the cavemen. We are the result of approximately 4 billion years of evolution. Come on -_-.

Where is the love?

Mycella~

Regarding Gaming

2011-10-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

All Pangya activities has ceased since the last time I played with Krisa. It looks as if I won't play it ever again, but who knows what lies in the future. There's always a possibility that I'll go back to it next year if I'm bored.

I've been playing 12 Tails Online, and is considering things based upon these facts:

o Cash-based items are overpowered and is rendered invincible against the non-cash-based players.

o A new set of skills, labeled 'C', kicks over the scale and disrupts the balance of the game as the 'C' skills of each character are either overpowered or underpowered.

o Hacks and 3rd Party Tools are appearing at an increasing rate.

o The admin team is updating the game too slow and there's nothing new to do.

I'm considering whether I should quit the game. I'll definitely miss the feeling of total pwnage but still, I want to move on to do something more meaningful in life (according to my ideas) and actually live in a virtual world rather than a virtual virtual world (ie real girls are better than 2D girls :P).

Mycella~

"OWNED"

2011-10-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

So, I hung out with a friend of mine today and we had ice cream. 8 scoops to be shared by 2 people. Facking win.

Anyway, we sat for I have no idea how long and we started talking about ideas. He gave me an analysis he did on a certain individual and I was kinda surprised by some of the theories he had presented not for it's accuracy but for it's deviation from my point of view. Of course, being a dude of alternative ideas, I went ahead and pwned his theories.

He mentioned what it takes to be successful and happy, which is a possible answer to my question in the previous blog post. His theory went something like this: one is successful if he or she keeps an eye on the track and look forward to his or her goals. I took half a second thinking, then this one thought lightning-struck me. I responded instinctively with a "no, I don't agree with you".

I explained to him how I think it should be done. I think people who are both successful and happy with their lives are the ones who doesn't look straight forward; they look around. On the path to their dreams, they look around to observe what is going on along the path of which they are taking. They perceive more than what is necessary, and as a result, this has broaden their horizons immensely. These people are the ones who gained experience, wisdom, perspectives, and happiness during the process of working up to where they wanted to be. And they are not fully focused on their dream; they treat their dreams as a direction, not a goal. This way, they are more focused on what is actually going on around, participate in certain opportunities, interact with things, stay connected to the outside world, and is more successful in socializing. They occasionally reviewed their dreams to get a grip of their path, to see the distance between them and their dreams, to notify themselves of their current position, and to view whether they are still on track. This is what I think makes us both successful and happy and perhaps, I have hold the answer to my question all along without realizing it.

But still, I am both unsuccessful and unhappy on the overall and this is the point that takes away all the credibility from my ideas.

Anyway, it's 5.02am and I FUCKING DONT NEED ANY SLEEP, FTW!

Mycella~

Derping Around @ 3.30AM In The Morning, Not Being Able To Get To Sleep

2011-10-06T13:56:00.000-07:00

Random things to say here.

---------------------------------------

So, "the girl" went online via Skype and we had a chat. She told me she found my blog (probably gonna read this too, but anyway), mentioned one of the reasons why she thinks our intimate relationship is not possible, then trolled (she even said she's not trolling) - went to watch a movie since she's not "in the mood" to talk. Another reason she gave is that "it is getting late". -........... Wait, what!?! I know it's 11.40PM at the time, but it's getting late and we should talk later cuz she thinks this will be a long conversation so she went to watch a movie instead.

I don't think our conversation would exceed 2 hours.

If she said she's not trolling, then she's not trolling. I believe her.

._.

--------------------------------------

In about 5 1/2 hours, the last day of school shall begin. Regardless of the fact, I still feel depressed for no known reason. Must be the chemical imbalance in my brain -_-.

Anyway, while derping around the internet late past midnight, I came across some psychological facts and theories regarding masochism and its related psychological disorders. Either too much of anime or life LOL.

-------------------------------------

So I wanna talk about common fucking sense.

I know I've ranted about this way back a few months ago, but I just kept on seeing them happen over and over again and I feel the urge to rant about it once more. So here are the highlights that happened 2 days ago.

I went to this national book expo (or whatever it should be called) and came back with 7 light novels and 4 fantasy novels. On my way back, it rained heavily. So I stood there waiting for the rain to stop (took about an hour), meanwhile monitoring people.

*Two people are in front of me talking to each other, and their conversation includes the following:

Person1: Let's just run through.
Person2: I'm in a hurry too, but it's raining. I don't want to catch a cold.
Person1: Damn acid rain also.

Le Me Thinking: 'Rain doesn't fucking gives you a cold, neither is it acidic enough to harm you motherfuckers.'

**A man in his 30s (judging from his appearance) appears beside me with a plastic bag containing books in his hand. He took out the books, used the plastic bag to cover his head, and ran out.

Le Me Thinking: 'Nice fucking job, you have now achieved the official title of a moron. Your books are wet and not readable, your body is all wet, and the only part you have succeeded in keeping dry is your head through the process of self-suffocation.'

***Walking in the rain. Saw a couple walking together. The streets are flooded, and the water is almost at knee level in some areas. Le me walking, then approaches behind a couple (I walk fast). I overheard the couple talking to each other:

Guy: My feet are wet.

Gal: Walk slower, so your feet are less wet.

Le Me Thinking: 'Are you fucking kidding me? ._.'

-------------------------------------

Regarding "Love vs Success", I came across a rather weird thought.

The path to success mainly includes competition and determination, and in the process of getting there, people gain both experience and intellectual capacity. But once they are there (or to wherever they're content with), they realize they have not been happy yet. Sure, success has given them a portion of happiness, but the emotional and 'spiritual' aspects are not satisfied. This is when they'll settle down in a certain position in their job/career and start to focus more on the alternate forms of happiness ie socialization, entertainment, and intimacy. This is where the problem cuts in.

From their acquired intellectual capacity and their diligent nature, they rationalize everything. They're always thinking why things happen, and for what purpose, and these are some of the questions they ask themselves while they are in the pursuit of their spiritual happiness. This form of happiness is derived from ignorance; you simply gain it by not thinking about it and not knowing about it. You just simply enjoy and take for granted these things without having to sit down and think about the psychological reasons why things happen.

An intimate relationship is an example. These doesn't only include marriages, but simply being coupled together, sharing emotions, problems, feelings, and supporting the opposition to cope with certain things mentally. This is a form of mutualism, where you just help each other without any other reason aside from the simple yet significant "I love you" mindset. Of course, there are causes and effects of this. But once you take in account the mechanisms running behind the phenomenon, you just simply can't feel happy anymore since you constantly think he/she is doing this because of this and you should act in that way as a proper response. In other words, intelligence has fucked you pretty bad in this area.

And of course, vice versa is also true. Those who are engulfed in spiritual happiness fails to rationalize at a reasonable level.

So my main question I tend to think about these days are:

How can you achieve both forms of happiness?

--------------------------------------

In the upcoming days, staring at the wall will be fun.

+++++++++++++++++

Mycella~

Summative Week + More on Love vs Success LOL

2011-09-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

The past week is the summative week and I had accomplished a series of epic fails and wins. My emotional instability is also unrepressing itself, and holy shit this had interfered with my performance on the tests. Anyway, these are the notable fail and win.

Physics: I have failed almost all tests throughout the semester, slept through more than half of the classes, never handed in a single piece of work (homework included), and somehow got a 86.7% on my final examination. I surprised myself to be honest, cuz that 86.7% compared to the usual 15% is.... uhh, pretty extreme?

Never studied/prepared for the test, and the only things I've been doing are 9gag and heavy gaming sessions.

English: Got an A for the semester with all the homework handed in (eventhough sometimes I tend to hand in late work, but still in good quality), aced the tests, and failed the examination. I kinda trolled myself and ranted in the essay section of the exam when the teacher asked for an argumentative essay. After all, emotional instability had intervened with my chain of thoughts, and upon seeing the available topics the teacher forced upon us, I opted the "Girls should ask guys out" issue, went ahead and ranted all the way through in an argumentative-ish manner. Two days later the teacher told me he doens't accept rants, and failed me eventhough he admitted that my reasoning is pretty concrete and persuasive. Still, a collision of conscience I believe.

What I hate most about myself is the fact that my brain works pretty well when I'm depressed, and barely works when I'm happy. My personal valuation is wavering lately. Now I need to really decide what is more significant - emotions or reasoning? After all, my "Love vs Success" ideas emphasize the significance of emotions through logic and reasoning. Now I'm really trolling D:

But still, when you are happy, you are more actuated than ever, and you can pretty much achieve anything you want. You will be successful in most things, but the dilemma comes in when you have to choose between being able to achieve most things and being able to think beyond what is surfaced. After all, those who have succeeded to go beyond the limits the intelligentsia community has put out are the ones who are obsessed with a certain idea or concept. However, happiness suppresses our ability to become obsessed with one specific concept and that is what the dilemma is.

I used to value love (happiness) over success, but now I'm reconsidering certain valuations.

Anyway, blogging during the Programming examination isn't a good idea.

Mycella~

Adding a bit to the idea [Love vs Success]

2011-09-24T04:05:00.000-07:00

The previous blog post, which is a chatlog, really gives you an idea how I see the world as it is today and my perspectives towards life.

I think the key point in this conversation is:

[3:06:31 PM] Mycella: live life till 5, study in highschool/college till 24 (or 30 if Ph.D), then work till 60, then wait for death
[3:06:35 PM] Mycella: where does life go?
[3:07:06 PM] Mycella: when you're 60, that's when you realize all the things you wanted to do, you cant really do them anymore since your body isn't in shape

Which is exactly to the point: I believe we only live one life, and we should make the best out of it.

I'm not saying to go all out 100% with love, but just make it 1st priority. Then work can come as 2nd priority. I mean, if you don't work hard enough, and you fail to earn enough for a living, at least you have felt happiness before you die. It is certainly better than living your whole 80 years of life not learning what true happiness really is.

And for those who argue that we should work hard at first, earn enough, and start living a life when you're somewhere in your 40s or 50s, I just want to say that there's uncertainty in life; you might not get there. You might end up dying in accidents, or the system revolutionized, or some kind of war break out. Which leads me to the conclusion that, when you're still alive, live this moment to its best. Don't wait for the future, as it never comes. Don't worry about the past, as it can not be changed. Make best of this very moment, and start living a life NOW.

Mycella~

Relationships, "Love vs Success", and Religion

2011-09-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

Was talking to a friend over skype, the conversation starts off with him asking me about how things are going in my love life. We chat, and for some reason the conversation steered towards what I said I'll emphasize on in my blog lol.

---Conversation is longer and starts earlier than this, but I pasted what I think is necessary :P---

[2:35:31 PM] Mycella: yeah
[2:35:42 PM] Mycella: well, that checkmate gave me a wakeup call
[2:35:53 PM] Mycella: came to the realization that all of this is pure fraud
[2:35:58 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: really?
[2:36:01 PM] Mycella: yeah

[2:36:10 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: thats rather an extreme conclusion
[2:36:11 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: do explain
[2:36:19 PM] Mycella: well
[2:36:27 PM] Mycella: this IS radical to everyone i've said to
[2:36:37 PM] Mycella: but friendship is overrated
[2:36:41 PM] Mycella: i mean
[2:37:00 PM] Mycella: "we're friends" is basically saying "i help you, you help me"
[2:37:09 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah
[2:37:09 PM] Mycella: it's mutualism
[2:37:13 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: mutal benefition
[2:37:18 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: lol my engirsh
[2:37:21 PM] Mycella: but where's the love when you are only looking towards benefits?
[2:37:31 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i see
[2:37:44 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah..i dont think many people can love unconditionally
[2:37:46 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: and i dont blame them
[2:37:56 PM] Mycella: which leads me to the reason of not making any friends since i dont want help that isn't willingly given
[2:38:17 PM] Mycella: i never made any friends ever since grade 9
[2:38:24 PM] Mycella: you, patis, bright
[2:38:29 PM] Mycella: the last three friends
[2:38:33 PM] Mycella: before you 3 move on
[2:38:35 PM] Mycella: :/
[2:39:07 PM] Mycella: it's not just friendship
[2:39:20 PM] Mycella: there's no love in couple relationships too these days
[2:39:26 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeahh
[2:39:26 PM] Mycella: which is fucking ridiculous
[2:39:29 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i read ur blog
[2:39:35 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: aimed towards success
[2:39:37 PM] Mycella: where did it go?
[2:39:41 PM] Mycella: yeah
[2:39:47 PM] Mycella: well, i'm gonna emphasize on that later
[2:39:50 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahhahaha
[2:39:53 PM] Mycella: when my mind is clearer
[2:39:58 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: do it thinks its just not neccessary?
[2:40:11 PM] Mycella: yeah
[2:40:28 PM] Mycella: love becomes unnecessary when humanity already have it's systems supporting them
[2:40:36 PM] Mycella: but still
[2:40:46 PM] Mycella: the system doesnt support everybody
[2:41:00 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well of course
[2:41:02 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: nothings perfect
[2:41:08 PM] Mycella: and those who are left out, are sitting alone, dying, starving, lonely, miserable
[2:41:11 PM] Mycella: you get the point
[2:41:17 PM] Mycella: and we're making it even more imperfect
[2:41:34 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well in ur ideal world what would be then
[2:41:35 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: love?
[2:41:40 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: of most importance
[2:41:44 PM] Mycella: yeah
[2:41:46 PM] Mycella: well
[2:41:53 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: will that really support everyone also
[2:42:00 PM] Mycella: there's a reason we're moving towards imperfection
[2:42:08 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: and that is
[2:42:12 PM] Mycella: we know we are, we're still doing it anyways
[2:42:37 PM] Mycella: cuz people who are already in the fucking system lives a better life than those who are not, and they dont give a fuck
[2:42:48 PM] Mycella: the better the system, the bigger the gap
[2:42:49 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well thats human nature
[2:43:19 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: its natural ...even if we all (or most ) have love some are just gonna exploit that
[2:43:21 PM] Mycella: when the system improves, the people in it lives a better life, people who are not in it lives a worse life
[2:43:47 PM] Mycella: more imperfect, but the ones in control are the ones in the system
[2:44:03 PM] Mycella: power rules, money rules, love gets left behind
[2:44:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah ...people i think dont have enough trust in love i guess
[2:44:24 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: not tangible enough
[2:44:38 PM] Mycella: i dont agree
[2:44:47 PM] Mycella: you dont trust love, you dont have it
[2:44:56 PM] Mycella: you exploit other's love, you dont have love yourself
[2:45:10 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: are u implying that the majority has no love then?
[2:45:17 PM] Mycella: if any of these ideas are in your head, you lack the capacity to love truly
[2:45:20 PM] Mycella: unconditionally
[2:45:33 PM] Mycella: yes, the majority has no love
[2:45:40 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahahah
[2:45:45 PM] Mycella: well
[2:45:46 PM] Mycella: depends
[2:46:01 PM] Mycella: majority of the people within the system doesnt have love
[2:46:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: in a more science point of view isnt love just to get benefits too? since like start of apes becoming human
[2:46:28 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: its to reproduce
[2:46:31 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: have more of ur own kind
[2:46:44 PM] Mycella: nah dude
[2:46:48 PM] Mycella: that's sexual love
[2:46:55 PM] Mycella: i'm talking about other types of love
[2:47:01 PM] Mycella: like parental love
[2:47:15 PM] Mycella: parents love children doesnt equal to parents fuck their own kids
[2:47:23 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: looool
[2:47:27 PM] Mycella: i thought that was supposed to be obvious
[2:47:56 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: sadly no i mean... well parental love can just be like wishing ur kids to become more successful thus carrying on the gene and stuff
[2:48:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: if unconditional love means theres no benefits involved...when does that happen then
[2:48:27 PM] Mycella: well
[2:48:32 PM] Mycella: unconditional love
[2:48:43 PM] Mycella: is basically love that isnt by any means derived from a reason
[2:48:48 PM] Mycella: other than brain activity
[2:49:02 PM] Mycella: if you want to take it in a scientific approach, then let's do it
[2:49:15 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: so infatuation?
[2:49:21 PM] Mycella: i dont know what that means
[2:49:22 PM] Mycella: -_-
[2:49:24 PM] Mycella: but anyway
[2:49:32 PM] Mycella: when romance happens
[2:49:42 PM] Mycella: like the real "romance"
[2:49:47 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: aha
[2:49:58 PM] Mycella: nah
[2:50:04 PM] Mycella: dont take romance
[2:50:09 PM] Mycella: just call it love
[2:50:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: go on
[2:50:28 PM] Mycella: when you truly love someone, you dont ask for anything back
[2:50:33 PM] Mycella: so why do you love them?
[2:51:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hmmm
[2:51:24 PM] Mycella: a certain part of your brain that, when you are happy (in terms of HAPPY, not pleasure), will release dopamine
[2:51:58 PM] Mycella: it releases dopamine when you are happy of seeing that person achieve better in life without a known cause except for "cuz i love her, fuck yeah"
[2:52:00 PM] Mycella: :D
[2:52:09 PM] Mycella: and also
[2:52:21 PM] Mycella: another part of your brain also gets triggered
[2:52:52 PM] Mycella: this part of the brain is responsible for speculating, calculating pros and cons, etc
[2:52:59 PM] Mycella: so you basically is like
[2:53:00 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: aha
[2:53:20 PM] Mycella: "what is she gonna do now?" "what happens next with him/her" "will he/she make it?"
[2:53:27 PM] Mycella: things like that
[2:53:41 PM] Mycella: basically
[2:54:00 PM] Mycella: the real unconditional love is not about benefits, but more like triggering more brain activity
[2:54:11 PM] Mycella: and your brain needs to work
[2:54:18 PM] Mycella: your brain doesnt work, you feel like shit
[2:54:31 PM] Mycella: i simplified that in simple words :P
[2:54:31 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahhahah so basically its the benefit of the brain
[2:54:46 PM] Mycella: kind of, but at least it's within the person
[2:54:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well true
[2:54:55 PM] Mycella: it's not an external benefit
[2:55:04 PM] Mycella: it benefits emotions, brain functions, etc
[2:55:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: love --- just a buncha chemicals doing their shit....that should be the new definition
[2:55:32 PM] Mycella: the fraud love benefits money, sexual satisfaction, or whatever the reason people have
[2:55:37 PM] Mycella: no no
[2:55:40 PM] Mycella: more like
[2:55:56 PM] Mycella: UNCONDITIONAL love = chemicals doing shit to your brain
[2:56:06 PM] Mycella: sounds much better when you insert the term
[2:56:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hhahahhahha
[2:56:31 PM] Mycella: or else, the universal definition of love is fraud used to exploit the shit out of people
[2:56:53 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: for reasons please refer to human nature
[2:57:10 PM] Mycella: well
[2:57:20 PM] Mycella: the universal love is derived from human nature
[2:57:27 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: how?
[2:57:30 PM] Mycella: but unconditional love is derived from human brain
[2:57:42 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i see
[2:57:49 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: what a confusing subject eh?
[2:58:01 PM] Mycella: dopamine is the same chemical your brain releases when you do addictive drugs, do you know? :D
[2:58:22 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahahhaa
[2:58:27 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: more reason to legalize weed
[2:58:51 PM] Mycella: well, the level of addiction of each drugs depends on the amount of dopamine released per a specific amount of drugs dosed
[2:59:42 PM] Mycella: so therefore, 1mg of heroin triggers much more dopamine release than cocaine
[2:59:49 PM] Mycella: 1mg of cocaine*
[2:59:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: looool
[2:59:59 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i see ur know ur stuff
[3:00:10 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: been doing some experimental research there eh?
[3:00:11 PM] Mycella: i've studied a fair amount of this :P
[3:00:19 PM] Mycella: lol maybe :D
[3:00:22 PM] Mycella: but still
[3:00:35 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: okay now my question for you is.. what is your goal
[3:00:41 PM] Mycella: unconditional love is basically a legal way of doing drugs
[3:01:12 PM] Mycella: but very weak drug though compared to the real chemicals ie. heroin, nicotine, etc
[3:01:15 PM] Mycella: my goal?
[3:01:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yup
[3:01:29 PM] Mycella: my goal is to turn everyone into crackheads and junkies
[3:01:52 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahahhahaa
[3:02:00 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: u should consider starting a cult
[3:02:03 PM] Mycella: well, these addictive drugs make you sooooo happy, you get addicted to it
[3:02:09 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahaha
[3:02:21 PM] Mycella: unconditional love gives you the same brain reaction, makes you happy, while you're not addicted to ti
[3:02:22 PM] Mycella: it*
[3:02:27 PM] Mycella: sounds legit?
[3:02:33 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: indeed
[3:02:44 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: campaign "legalize love"
[3:02:50 PM] Mycella: it's already legal -_-
[3:02:56 PM] Mycella: but no one tends to give a fuck
[3:02:57 PM] Mycella: -_-
[3:03:04 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahhaha true
[3:03:37 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i mean ur personal goal..ur direction ..focus from now
[3:03:55 PM] Mycella: they're so entralled with both their education and career, they dont really live a life
[3:04:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i agree with u on that
[3:04:29 PM] Mycella: my ultimate goal? i have 2
[3:04:42 PM] Mycella: 1) I want to be happy
2) I want serenity
[3:04:53 PM] Mycella: money, living a life of luxury, power
[3:04:58 PM] Mycella: i dont want any of that shit
[3:05:05 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: :)
[3:05:05 PM] Mycella: i just wanna be happy and serene :)
[3:05:19 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: such a pure goal
[3:05:25 PM] Mycella: not pure
[3:05:26 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: any ideas on how to achieve that?
[3:05:31 PM] Mycella: just another typical goal
[3:05:41 PM] Mycella: it's all other assholes' goals that are impure
[3:05:47 PM] Mycella: i have no idea
[3:05:53 PM] Mycella: but i'm trying to find the answer
[3:06:31 PM] Mycella: live life till 5, study in highschool/college till 24 (or 30 if Ph.D), then work till 60, then wait for death
[3:06:35 PM] Mycella: where does life go?
[3:06:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: who knowss
[3:07:06 PM] Mycella: when you're 60, that's when you realize all the things you wanted to do, you cant really do them anymore since your body isn't in shape
[3:07:18 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: haha and i dont think happiness is a goal..u get that shit along to way u're searchign for it
[3:07:28 PM] Mycella: yeah
[3:07:32 PM] Mycella: happiness is not a big deal
[3:07:36 PM] Mycella: it's serenity that's a big deal
[3:08:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: what do u mean by serenity
[3:08:27 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: live an isolated life then if u want that
[3:08:30 PM] Mycella: not that
[3:08:42 PM] Mycella: it's when nothing matters
[3:08:48 PM] Mycella: when you dont have to think about anything
[3:08:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: zen
[3:09:01 PM] Mycella: yeah
[3:09:04 PM] Mycella: like zen and daoism
[3:09:07 PM] Mycella: :)
[3:09:16 PM] Mycella: but in the world today? i doubt that
[3:09:17 PM] Mycella: :/
[3:09:22 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah
[3:09:38 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: the only serenity (in ur meaning) i guess can only be achieved the moment you die
[3:09:43 PM] Mycella: true
[3:09:52 PM] Mycella: actually no
[3:10:03 PM] Mycella: i want to feel serenity (sounds weird, but i think it's palpable)
[3:10:12 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: u need to explain on that
[3:10:13 PM] Mycella: and when you're dead, you cant feel shit D:
[3:10:33 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: like ปล่อยวาง อย่างสูงสุด ?
[3:10:45 PM] Mycella: it's when your brain takes a vacation, you just kinda lie there, not thinking about anything, and nothing is on your mind
[3:10:58 PM] Mycella: no worries, no problems, not thinking about anything
[3:11:03 PM] Mycella: ie. your mind is free and serene
[3:11:11 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: kinda also means not giving a shit about anything
[3:11:12 PM] Mycella: what i want is always related to the brain and mind
[3:11:24 PM] Mycella: no.
[3:11:30 PM] Mycella: not giving a shit is you doing anything you want
[3:11:35 PM] Mycella: serene is not doing anything
[3:12:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i see
[3:12:30 PM] Mycella: nothing matters, how difficult is it to achieve that?
[3:12:30 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: enlightenment is quite the goal
[3:12:31 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahah
[3:13:01 PM] Mycella: your brain is constantly thinking about the future, the past, the present, problems, worried about things, etc
[3:13:18 PM] Mycella: the moment it stops, only for a second is good enough, is what i longed for
[3:13:19 PM] Mycella: :)
[3:13:39 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahaha
[3:14:24 PM] Mycella: "like ปล่อยวาง อย่างสูงสุด ?"
[3:14:28 PM] Mycella: that pretty much explains it
[3:14:37 PM] Mycella: and that's why buddhism kicks ass
[3:14:45 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahhha u know what
[3:14:46 PM] Mycella: it's the best religion out there when you think about it rationally
[3:14:49 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: u think like patis now
[3:14:59 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeh its more science than religion
[3:15:02 PM] Mycella: yup
[3:15:27 PM] Mycella: it's rational, scientific, and it suffice the needs of the human brain
[3:15:59 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: so true
[3:16:15 PM] Mycella: but what is the real shit
[3:16:21 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: what do u mena by that
[3:16:34 PM] Mycella: is that the original buddhism is not present in the present day
[3:16:43 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah i agree
[3:16:46 PM] Mycella: Buddha's original teachings are gone D:
[3:16:47 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: too much fabrication
[3:17:14 PM] Mycella: too much additions, adjustments (to modernization)
[3:17:27 PM] Mycella: that's why i dont believe in the buddhism today
[3:17:31 PM] Mycella: i mean
[3:17:50 PM] Mycella: simple example: why the fuck are there soo many branches of buddhism? D:
[3:17:51 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well do u think that the old buddhism principles would work in the worlds of today then?
[3:18:17 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i know the branches thisng sucks...its just diffrent ways of benifitin themselves from the same thing
[3:18:32 PM] Mycella: different branches = deviations in beliefs = beliefs change = not original = impure = SHIT
[3:18:37 PM] Mycella: yeah i agree
[3:18:47 PM] Mycella: well do u think that the old buddhism principles would work in the worlds of today then?hmm
[3:19:03 PM] Mycella: i cant answer that
[3:19:05 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah
[3:19:10 PM] Mycella: cuz i dont know what the original teachings are
[3:19:20 PM] Mycella: but i get the main ideas, but not all the details
[3:19:31 PM] Mycella: but it's purely my theory, so i cant be sure if it's true
[3:19:36 PM] Mycella: therefore, i cant answer that
[3:19:40 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: well i guess like a hundred years from now the teachings will not work anymore
[3:19:42 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: stuff changes
[3:19:48 PM] Mycella: shit happens
[3:19:50 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: notign is absolute
[3:19:52 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahah
[3:19:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah shit happens
[3:19:59 PM] Mycella: that is, if this pattern continues
[3:20:14 PM] Mycella: someone has gotta do something or we're pretty much done
[3:20:30 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: ikr
[3:20:54 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: then u gotta do something
[3:21:26 PM] Mycella: we'll have a totalitarian sociery, where everything is standardized according to the law, no more freedom of thoughts, and humans will be the unhappiest perfect little bastards who value success over happiness
[3:21:45 PM] Mycella: so, Love or Success?
[3:21:46 PM] Mycella: you choose
[3:21:50 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: hahahahah
[3:22:07 PM] Mycella: like that movie "Equilibrium", remember?
[3:22:10 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: yeah
[3:22:12 PM] pongsakorn ㅗ^_^ㅗ: i was gonna say
[3:22:14 PM] Mycella: the one we watched with aj ken

---Cut Here :D---

You get the point, right?

As you noticed, my thoughts are still flawed, and my friend can pinpoint quite a few points. What I work on these days is to actually "deflawed" my thoughts, and come up with concrete reasoning rather than changing my idea :).

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein

Mycella~

Neutrinos?

2011-09-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

Decided to postpone the "Love vs Success" expansion blog post again :/.

--------------------------

"Faster than light particles found, claimed scientists"

http://apps.facebook.com/theguardian/science/2011/sep/22/faster-than-light-particles-neutrinos

Breakthrough? I've already posted a comment on there and you can read it. (Watcharapon Likhitsuwan's comment).

Back to Pangya!

2011-09-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm back!

I modded my Lucia to match with the PWC setup. Now I have 2 characters to select from:

Arin: 3 Pixels and an SC Titan WOOT :D. Obviously for hunting records and kicking ass.

Lucia: 1 Pixel, that's it. No elfen ears or any additional items (PWC setup). Now I can practice on my timing abilities.

Anyway, after 5 months of stagnation, I have lost the ability to mind-calc lol. I guess a handheld calculator should suffice until I actually have the time to practice mind-calc in college. These pre-college shit are still to be done!

Mycella~

Rant-ish Idea

2011-09-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, I said I'll emphasize more on the "Love vs Success" concept when I have the time but decided to postpone it.

-----------------------------------

My school took all the students to the theater this afternoon to watch a film and the committee expects the film to base its story on Thai culture. The speculation is wrong; the film is based on the psychology of relationships and coping abilities and this is definitely not something kids under the age of 10 should be watching. The film consists of violence, blood, sex, etc you get the picture.

Anyway, I was somehow seated in the girl's row (lucky me :D) and that "girl" was sitting a seat away. As usual, I was mentally multi-tasking when she called out to me and ask if I have any snacks with me. My chain of thoughts broke down, my mind went black for a second or two, and I answered "no" after checking my pockets. Throughout the film, I felt like she was looking at me a few times (only 2-3 :/), as if she has questions she wants to ask.

Even at school, when she looks at me sometimes and I have a feeling she wanted to say something and she doesn't.

**This post is not about my love life.**

So, what's the point of this blog post?

It drives me nuts when I see someone who have things to say, and doesn't say it. When the teacher asks the class, "are there any questions?", sometimes I notice a person who wants to say something, but decided not to. I don't understand these people. I do have some brainstormed ideas about why they decided to shut the fuck up, but none of these have succeeded to satisfy my curiosity. These include:

- Felt bad if the teacher gives a lengthy answer, thus wasting everyone's time.
- Felt like a geek if he/she asks the question.
- Is afraid of asking a stupid question.
- 'I will ask a friend instead, so I can save myself some time.'

"When somebody annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. But it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that motherfucker."

Which is right on the spot. It really annoys me to see someone back down from inquiring information because of peer pressure. If you don't fucking know, then ask.

How is this related to my little scene of my life earlier?

"If you want to say something, say it." I don't know what goes on in the minds of the people with mindsets like the one mentioned, but what I really hate is a person inquiring someone else who doesn't have the answer. This all might be from my pure imagination, but if she really wants to say or know something, then why isn't she coming up to me and do so? I won't bite :/. What she did instead (this is my speculation) is she went to some of her friends, asks questions that she wanted to know (about me), and fail to receive any answers since the fucking answers are with me. And what she did is she went back and think about this all on her own, basing all her pseudo-answers from thoughts and inductive reasoning rather than the real facts. All she have to do is fucking ask -_-.

*Again, this is purely my speculation.*

Another dilemma is to lie in order to not make someone feels negative or offended. Lying is okay if a person doesn't want to hurt anybody, but be sure to calculate all the pros and cons. Lying can save someone's mood and mindset, but at the same time fails to provide them with the valuable truth. Vice versa, saying the truth might hurt, but the receiver has a chance of coming to a realization. Be sure to calculate which side has more weight (truth or emotions).

Anyway, it's 10pm and I need dinner.

Mycella~

Life Updates [Start of September 2011]

2011-09-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this blog post in computer class lol.

Anyway, regarding Pangya, I'm feeling the urge to play, and indeed did log on for a few rounds. Ran into Krisa, played together, and we both failed lol. First few rounds in like what? 6 months? But anyway, I'm reconsidering the decision to come back to play since I'm free these days and I have nothing better to do.

Regarding my love life (personal made public lol), I decided to quit the girl once and for all. 9 years of love eradicated in 2 serious decisive minutes after some deep thoughts ran through my head. MY HEART IS FINALLY FREE WOOHOO~@! :D

Regarding my pre-college preparations, I'm not too serious about the tests since I'm not aiming to attend any top colleges or anything of the likes. GAMETIME IS ON LOL.

Also, I've read over my "Love vs Success" blog post and realized that I havn't explained any of the details aside from mentioning them. I'll emphasize on each points later when I have the time. I really need to learn how to organize my thoughts as I think in big randomized cluster of ideas and I fail to expressed them to others. That's what happened on the "Love vs Success" blog post and I have failed to put forward any reasons why I think Love is more important than Success aside from saying so.

Therefore, I need to sit down and do some serious self-assessments (and possibly a self-recreation) which would take up quite some time knowing that my brain is half-dead from all the procrastination over the past 2 years.

Anyway, I have to concentrate on JavaScript lessons lulz.

Mycella~

A Facebook Account

2011-09-06T07:14:00.001-07:00

I have a facebook account now, and if you want to add me, feel free to do so. But leave a comment here of your Facebook name, so I can be sure I don't add random people onto my friendlist.

My Facebook name: Watcharapon Likhitsuwan

Love vs Success

2011-08-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

I know I've been ranting a lot lately and I just couldn't help but do so. This is partly because of the big fuss in my head regarding my previous blog post and I decided to confess on Monday just for the sake of it. So here it goes.

----------------------------------

Think about the possibilities of this. Just how often do you see an artist married to a scientist? Always, sometimes, rarely, or never? My personal answer to this question is rarely. Why? Because their lives are not compatible due to both work and thoughts and often harmonies are ridiculed by life politics.

The majority of the people are insignifying the importance of love because marriages have been stigmatized. Some of us are married for different reasons; improving the family's economy, desperate for companionship, unconditional love, or simply for physical interactions (which often ended with a divorce). What gets us here today is not because of love; it's greed, violence, and just simply human nature that gets us here today. People have been running systems based on the principles of success rather than happiness. Therefore, it is logical to have the incentives to succeed imprinted into our genes.

According to Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution, the process starts off with variation, moving on to natural selection, then preservation of the species until mutation (or some form of adaptation) occurs, then the process reverts back to variation where the cycle repeats itself perpetually unless interrupted by unnatural disasters such as meteorites. I'll explain it in simpler, yet more detailed, words. A species starts off with adaptations/mutations, creating a wide variety of differently structured organisms (a variation) ie. different body structures. Then the process of natural selection plays its role. Those with body structures most suited for that environment will be the ones who emerge on top as the most successful organisms among other organisms of the similar group. This factor of natural selection is called "survival of the fittest". The most successful organisms, or the "fittest", is best capable of preserving their species ie. high reproductive rates and qualities. Those who are not the fittest would then have to either migrate, re-adapt, or simply get the fuck out of the surface of the earth. Let's called the species of the fittest "A". Then over a long period of time, mutations will happen in species A. Most mutations are unsuccessful, but those that are successful will challenge the survival of the original A's, thus resulting in variation. Then the cycle repeats itself.

How is this related to what I wanna talk about?

People always want to give their lives some form of significance or purpose, and "success" has dominated ever since the beginning of civilization. There's a wide variation; happiness (love noticeably plays a major role), terrorism (believing they would gain significance and make a massive change), charity (one person effects a massive group of people), and even the so-called existential nihilism (where certain people believe life is insignificant, denying all forms of laws and rules, and the main purpose of living is to do whatever they want). What I still don't understand is why people are still enthralled to success? What if love is the better choice today?

The exponentially increasing population count creates a common dilemma for those who wanted to really succeed at something. More people = less chance to succeed. People are always telling me that anyone can succeed if they try hard enough, but I think this is no longer the case since our world is rapidly changing. They are still stuck to the past without noticing the world today and the main point I want to make is that, I do notice changes; and I know not everyone can succeed especially when success means "a house, a job, and a family". Millions of people in impoverished countries are still starving to death at the very moment you are reading this. A part of the world still lacks the basic needs (food and shelter), let alone success. Why? The increasing population is the answer.

I don't believe everyone can achieve success, but I know that everyone can achieve happiness and love plays a major role. Why love is currently being eradicated rather than favored by natural selection, that's what I don't really know yet. I, personally, would prefer happiness over success and I'll support my statement all the way to my grave.

Anyway, I need to do my Biology homework.

Mycella~

Rant: My Fucking Pathetic Life

2011-08-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Caution: Contains rants about my pathetic loser life and if you're not interested, please leave. I don't wanna waste a single minute of everyone's precious time.

-----------------------------------------------

I have loved this one girl for 9 years now. I don't give a fuck if all of you say this is poppy love. I'm in the last year of highschool, and I'm too fucking scared of whatever the reason is to confess. Her academic stats are nigh perfect (sidenote: she entered some international event and won the gold > FedEx international challenge whatever it's called), that compared to my pathetic life of a gamer who constantly shows up at school after 10am everyday when session actually starts at 8am. I know - a pathetic nolife dude who's interested in a girl WAY above his league. If she somehow miraculously stumbles across my blog, I don't really give a shit. I'm just pissed at myself for acting the way I am, and being nowhere near adequate to even be near her feet.

I remember when I first met her, which is in Grade 4 (I'm in Grade 12 right now ie. this is year 9 v.v). I might have gain interest in her on a hunch back then, but this - the feeling I have right now - I'm 150% sure that this is not a hunch.

She's often considerate of others, works hard, intelligent (no doubt), and fairly attractive (this is definitely biased since the girl you have a crush on, no matter how bad she looks, is hot FOR YOU - maybe not for anyone else). She's certain of studying abroad in some famous top colleges, while I'm stuck shit here in Thailand trying to even get into anywhere that would take me. As you can see, this relationship I always dreamed of is certainly impossible.

I don't possess anything of my own - the house, my wallet, my money, my clothes, all my so-called belongings aren't really actually mine. I don't have anything to offer, and I guess me myself isn't accounted for something useful or valuable. I'm an atheist, but if there is a god - damn I wish there is one - I want to rewind to the very first day of Grade 4, the very first day I met her, and I swear I will do anything within my intellectual power (if there is any) to do whatever to get there- where she stands today. I'm willing to give everything, if there is anything, for an exchange for a timelapse. Even if god does exist, and has read my blog, there is still no reason for him to favor me and grant my wish.

I'm just pissed at myself, at everything I've done. I totally ignored her for the entire last year for god knows why, and I felt like an ass for doing so. She is capable of supporting herself, so there's no reason for her to accept or even listen to my confession. I can't even support myself, so yeah.

I live a pathetic loser no-life.

Maybe the main reason why I really got into games is because it's the only thing I can possibly succeed in.

Mycella~

[12 Tails Online] Resurrecting the Arcana Guild

2011-07-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

At last, my 12 Tails Online (no)life took a turn for the better.

The Hisoz Guild, one of the most prestigious guild consisted of the very best players of the server, had been dissolved by the guild leader for an ironic reason. It seems that there was a struggle for power, and the leader had to dissolve the guild to settle down the commotion. And lol, Babylon Guild also has a bad leader. He is either inactive, offline, or not willing to do his job. I came to the conclusion that the server doesn't really have any potential guild leaders (I've been in 7 guilds: Alternative, Arcana, New Hope, GeWinner, Divinity, Hisoz (lol), and Babylon).

Now I'm up to the challenge to redeem myself as the leader of the Arcana Guild. In addition to that, I will also challenge my own management skills. I quit the Babylon Guild, came back to Arcana, and is currently rebuilding it. I'm totally surprised when I ran into some ex-Arcana members on the way to the Colosseum. All of them wanted to come back, despite the fact that I dissolved the guild without a word. I've regained 3 core members, and now Arcana is on it's path to resurrection.

I was surprised that after all the things I did, they still wanted to flourish under my wings.

I need to rapidly recruit new members. As stated in the previous blog, the problem with recruitment is that only 1% of the server doesn't have a guild (and most of them are Lv20 and below OMFG). But looking at it from another perspective, this is what I can conclude: Out of 50 newbies, approximately 47 of those will quit the game. But what I'm looking for is those 3 remaining members. These are the members that will, with my support, grind all the way to perfection, participate in server events, and will eventually become a vital part of the guild.

But the problem is: "Will I have the time to support them?"

I'm in the last year of highschool and I really need to concentrate on what really matters than what really entertains.

Anyway, the Arcana Guild is back!

Mycella~

Updates - July 24, 2011

2011-07-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

I dissolved my guild (Arcana) and omg, the feedbacks from ex-members were intense.

Almost all of them went, "Why did you dissolve the guild? The guild was doing fine." And hell no, the guild was not doing fine. An average of 5 out of 45 members were online each day and I just snapped. Well, one of the problems of getting consistent players to join my guild is stated in my previous blog. I think that joining up with other guilds would be better than establishing a new guild. I'm picturing more of a rendezvous strategy; everytime a guild dissolves, a small leftover group who are still playing consistently will move to a new guild. If the server keeps this pattern, eventually a guild filled with consistent players will appear, and that's what I'm up to.

I joined the "Babylon" guild just recently and I don't really like it here. Many members are playing less and less frequently and within a month time, the guild might be dissolved (just my prediction). The leftover members who are frequently playing will move to a new guild, thus conforming the population of frequent players.

Some updates regarding the game:

- Max Lv55 (increased from the original Lv50)

- New PvP Arena: Crystal Defence (5 on 5)

- Chapter 8 (and OMFG mission 8/6 is nigh impossible)

On a side note, my cat reached Lv55 within 2 days of the patch's release.

Side note#2: I'm currently grinding my sheep to Lv55.

Regarding Pangya, I feel the urge to play. SATs and all "the shit" are coming up and I must continue to resist >.<!. Last year of highschool is a pain to most people. I will be back to play again sometime next year. That is - if the 2012 apocalypse isn't real.

Mycella~

[12 Tails Online] Snapshot of My Character

2011-07-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

[June 25] Gaming Thoughts

2011-06-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

After taking a damn good look at Nyuu's slope reading guide posted on his blog, I was feeling the urge to play. But I know I'll have to do all the crap this year (with all the stupid tests/exams system for college entrance), I won't be playing Pangya until next year. Damn, I was motivated! LOL

Anyway, here's the link to Nyuu's slope reading guide: http://snowmannyu.blogspot.com/2011/06/slope-reading-guide.html

Regarding 12 Tails Online, if there is anything I've learned from being the guild leader, it would be that it's one heck of a nerve-wracker to lead people. They're always depending on you, you're always screwing up, and they get pissed at every mistake you do. Now that I know it, I also learned that I don't possess the potential of being a leader.

But yeah, I'm pretty ambitious to guide my guild to the top of the server but I guess most guild members want to play for fun rather than perfection. They are barely online, and if they are, most of them fail to voluntarily participate in PvP arenas and special events.

I'm afraid to kick out lazy guild members since my guild would become vacant and recruiting new members would be out of the question since 99% of the server population already have a guild and the remaining 1% are either Lv20 and below, or lazy idiots.

Anyway, -end of rant-

Mycella~

12 Tails Online [Screenshot Contest]

2011-06-21T04:17:00.000-07:00

The admin is hosting a screenshot contest, and this is my masterpiece lol.

Quick Update

2011-05-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've been off Pangya for over a month and I won't be back to Pangya anytime soon. I think I'll get back to Pangya when I'm in college, which is next year. I'm currently stuck with 12Tails Online which is less frustrating to play and that's exactly the type of game I need during my 12th grade year.

Future blog posts will either be about 12Tails Online or a quick update of my life. I might occasionally share some jokes. Here's one:

A college student is taking an exam in Psychology course. One of the questions asks;
Q: Explain what it means to "forget".
A: I don't remember.

Just something that came across my mind.

2011-05-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've been going to school regularly, despite the fact that it's still the break. Yes - re-exams starts again T-T. But what really triggers my mind is this.

I've been taking the bus as usual. But taking the bus during the break is different, as they are not as crowded. Each row contains 4 seats: two stuck together on each side of the bus. As usual, I'm thinking at random. But this is what caught my attention. Each passenger is sitting in a seat, isolated from other passengers. I looked around, and every passenger has a vacant seat next to them. So what I assume is; no one is an acquaintance of others.

My highschool is located inside a college, so I have to walk about three quarters of a kilometer to get there. All my classmates are relatively rich, and have their drivers drive them there. I went in the cafeteria. It's morning, and not many people have breakfast there so it's pretty much half empty. Then I noticed the same thing; everyone is isolated. Each one of them (me included) tries to sit somewhere that is in the middle of nowhere. So basically, if one person is sitting in a seat and the other person is sitting 8 seats away, someone new would likely sit 4 seats away from each person. I've been noticing this for years, but this is actually the first time I've taken it into account of my interests.

This is what I think about it.

People often feel insecure of their safety when a complete stranger comes near them. So what they did is they keep their distances from "outsiders". An individual would normally build a "wall" to fend off unnecessary interactions, believing it would provide maximum protection. This is understandable, since self-protection is one of the aspects in everyone to a certain level. But protection doesn't necessarily mean physical safety, but mental and abstractual aspects as well. Those who spent most of their time thinking, living in their own minds also build walls to fend off any intruders from changing his/her "perfect world".

Over time, this behavior will either intensify or weaken itself. And in worst cases, the wall one has been chronically architecting would get too thick, thus becoming smaller in space. These people are likely to develop social problems, and the real problem arises when they actually need to attend a situation that requires meeting a lot of strangers. They automatically build a wall, and since the amount of strangers are massive, their walls started to squeeze in, smaller and smaller in order to keep the optimum level of protection. Some people are willing to go as far as they could endure, pushing over their limits until they start to choke. They now have two choices: either accept that not everyone is a threat, or simply walks away and stay in their own little space of which they'll stagnate in. And the latter has become more and more common in society today.

So I've been thinking.

I've been monitoring people for the past few years ever since I started taking the bus. Today, I tried to imagine a world in which people are willing to walk up to total strangers, sit down next to them, and chat a little. I tried picturing a world where people don't automatically assume that all strangers are threats. I mean, why are people isolating themselves from every single stranger? Why aren't people in society willing to give it a try every once in a while and interact with each other despite the fact that they don't know each other? Actually, why not? If people are willing to do so, then I can pretty much assume that the society would undergo a revolutionary change, taking it to a whole new level. And perhaps, this world might not suck as it is today.

Just some random thoughts that came across my mind.

Mycella~

Quick Post

2011-04-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

Orz, I'll be moving back to the city today (26th April). I kinda decided to leave my desktop computer here, and my parents will be bringing it to the city for me on the 9th of May, which is about 2 weeks away. Re-exams start on the 1st of May, so I'll be focusing on that for now. I'm currently in good shape and now I'll have to stop for 2 weeks :/.

Current Pangya United Records (earned within 5 hours of gametime):
-41 BL 14K [6 Games]
-39 PW 14K (AGAIN) [1 Ppic] [2 Games]
-37 IC 12K [1 Game]

Mycella~

[Achieved] -41 Blue Lagoon & -37 Ice Cannon

2011-04-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

Pangya United has arrived in TH today. That means the records are reset. There's a section to look at the all-time records too but regarding the previous blog post, I just need to get a -41 BL asap. Came pretty easy, with 6 tries in total.

Brought 2 red pots, 2 milks, 1 red/green, 1 spin mastery, and 3 silent winds. Used all items.

On a side note, got a -37 IC with two ppics Dx.

There are three races. Owning 2 of the 3 will determines the winner. I'm sick and tired of PW, so I'll head over to WhWi for a -37, which is a lot easier in my opinion

New Race! & Reviewing Races Against Meinards Nyuu

2011-04-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture for HQ view. The info's all in there.

Otaku Joke [Tsundere Mom]

2011-04-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was checking out news regarding Nyan Koi! Season 2 and saw this. Decided to share XD.

***You need to understand the meaning of "Tsundere" in order to understand this***

Usual Updates

2011-04-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

Been playing Pangya regularly, scoring 3 more -39s on PW WTF!?! I'm considering options:

1) Push, push, and push! >.<
2) Bring 9 red pots and toma everything in for a 11-12K -40 lol.
3) Bring 9 silents LOL.
4) Quit PW v.v

But anyway, I got lucky on a silver card. Got an SR Brie from it lol.

[FAIL & Achieved] -39 Pink Wind AGAIN & -36 West Wiz

2011-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

I was ready to give up Pangya a few days ago but a certain guild got on my nerves. I'm gonna get good one day and beat the crap out of every single one of them (mad).

So I didn't quit. Ironically, I'm playing better than before. I guess what I need in order to improve myself is motivation :P.

Anyway, played a few rounds after stagnating for several days. These are the results of two of the bunch.

P.S. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME! T-T -39 PW AGAIN WITH ONE PPIC'ED SILENT DUNK.

P.S.2 At least I got a new pang record. 13.2K to 15.3K

[Achieved] -35 Ice Cannon & Remaining Goals

2011-04-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, I managed to get myself, through family mode, a decent set of negative elevation modifiers for dunks. I missed the first five holes, choked so hard, took 5 minutes to calm down, and chipped in the rest. I lol'ed so hard when I chipped in the last hole xD.

Remaining Goals:
-35 White Wiz (-_-)
-35 Sepia Wind
-40 Pink Wind (Epic Fail)

Mycella~

[FAIL & Achieved] -40 Pink Wind? & -36 Shining Sand

2011-04-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a -39. I'll explain why I said -40 on the title.

H4: I forgot to milk up a powershot on the previous hole. Had only one powershot on h4, with 6m facewind and 324y pin. Couldn't reach that.

H15: Easy 3m backspin. The ball catches the beam, and stopped 0.47y behind the hole without spinning back... WTF was that? I watched the footage of that hole over and over again. I apparently applied backspin, but I guess it was a bug. Goodbye -40 T-T

***But hey, elite players can get -41 multiple times. So, why can't I get a -40 again?***

And also, I saw a Shining Sand tourney and slipped in. Got a -36. It should have been a -37, but there's 40 seconds left when I arrived at h18. It was 1m too T-T. I hate how TH people set up 30 min rooms instead of a 35 min or 40 min.

***Will be back to fix the -40 PW again T-T***

Mycella~

Usual Updates

2011-03-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

Logging in and playing Pangya regularly. Additionally, I've also been playing ECO (Emil Chronicle Online) and trying to get my scout to at least Lv50.

New Records:

> -36 to -38 Ice Spa (lol)

> -30 to -32 Shining Sand (lol'ed even harder)

> -29 to -32 Ice Cannon >> I still can't verify my powercuts for extreme negative elevations.

I'm gonna introduce some of my Pangya friends. Why? I don't really know, and also because I can.

In order:

> Art: A student of mine :P. His skills are average. He doesn't seem determined.

> Pang: He's a 14 year old noob who's talkative. He keeps me companied xD.

> Himari aka GiggleGimmi: He's one of the very best Pangya player in TH server, doing -40s on more than half of the courses within a month via mental calculation. He doesn't use any form of help such as a calculator, hwi paper/excel, etc. And he's gonna participate in next year's PWC (if there's going to be one).

> Bank/Boom/Amy: This acc is played by three people lol. They're all nubs (sorry to be mean), and I love pwning them everyday :P.

> Deer: His skills are at the same level as mine.

> Joey: Another student of mine. And OMG, he learns things really fast. He's an average guy who scores -20 on all courses. About 3 months after I start teaching him, he got his first -41 BL.

> Bow: A female university student studying programming. Her acc's rank is Top Master and she begs me to teach her lol. A Pro E teaching a Top Master sounds ironic doesn't it? xD

> Meinards Nyuu: I think you all know who he is xD. Upon Pangya EU's closure, Nyuu moved to Pangya USA, just to witness the awful management of the servers by the GMs. He evacuated to Pangya TH, and I pwned him a few times here :3.

<<< On a side note, I got a Silver Kanok Club Set (TH exclusive) from a 6th Anniversary Box. Opened 9 boxes so far.>>>

[Achieved] -39 Blue Water

2011-03-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

Well, this round could be a -41.

- 2w Toma 1 yard undercut on Hole 3.
- Brainfarted on Hole 12 (forgot to use the gauge for the teeshot, thus wasting the spin mastery). Landed in the rough 301 yards away from the pin. Used a double gauge, tried everything, and is still 3 yards short despite the 2m tailwind.

[FAIL] -38 Pink Wind

2011-03-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

I have fixed 6 out of 7 classes, meow~@! I've got Math as the last "fail to fix" and is given a whole month to do so since I've got 2 years worth of knowledge to cram lol. Anyway, I don't have to go to school during the Summer break for another month >w<.

Failed to break my -38 PW record once again. 1 hour of sleep two days ago and 5 hours of sleep last night got me :/.

-38 Pink Wind 12684 Pangs

2 Ppic's

1 Brainfart (aimed the wrong direction lol)

Leftover items: 2 milks, 2 silent winds, 1 safety

Potentially a -41 (mad).

***I'll come back to fix this later (at least -40).***

Mycella~

[Achieved] -37 Blue Moon & -35 Eastern Valley

2011-03-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted something here. I haven't been playing Pangya much since I have a total of 7 failed classes to make up for. I did manage to fix 5 out of 7 classes within a week, facking win. Logged on to Pangya TH, and played 2 rounds. New records for both :P.

-37 Blue Moon 11573 Pangs

3 Ppics

1 Nike

I was like, "Okay, no more stupid mistakes." And I chipped in all the remaining holes.

-35 Eastern Valley 10621 Pangs

1 Ppic
1 Undercut Dunk
2 Nikes
1 Slope Reading Error

I'm not satisfied with this at all. I'll definitely be back to fix this. But at the very least I've reached another -35.

And as you can see, I lost. I was playing against Himari (aka GiggleGimmi) on this round. He didn't do very well: 1 missed dunk that led to a par, one nike, and one brainfart. He got a -36 15K.

Life Updates + Random Thoughts

2011-03-01T07:04:00.000-08:00

I havn't played Pangya ever since I reached Pro E because I have a crapton of work to do and the infamous "Exam Period" is approaching. Well, to be honest, I've smuggled myself a few new records :P. To be exact, I have to somehow finish up two years worth of work in 2 months. I guess I won't be playing Pangya for the next two months or so. I might sneak into servers every now and then and play some quick 3 holes vs to maintain my skills at a certain level. Oh well, part of growing up is to make decisions and live with the consequences.

"Thoughts are nothing. Knowledge by itself is insignificant. Actions are what make them mean everything."

This is why I don't agree with how things are today. Rules, concepts of "education", and the economic status (or rather, humanity status) are all problematic aspects that will eventually cause World War 3 if the so called "2012" don't wipe us out. Simply put, all the work done in order to maintain peace will eventually backfires unless interrupted by an apocalypse. Why? Because people are missing out something. Let me rephrase that: people are lacking something.

"Abide the rules." "Education is mandatory." "Work for money." All this bullshit is getting into me lately. Well, I wouldn't call them bullshit since I do believe these statements are true. I do abide the rules, but not all of them sounds sensible to me. Sometimes I develop myself new rules if the universal ones don't seem to work. Humans are capable of thinking, and rules indicate that they no longer are; people no longer think, they live their life according to previous thoughts (rules). I won't mention what these rules, or laws, are. Different societies have different systems, so I can't really mention one if people of different nationalities are to read this article.

And notice that I used the term "rules", not "laws".

And what irritates me the most is education. Yes, I agree that education is important. Actually, I believe that it WAS one of the most important systems. What I really hate about TH's academic system is that, teachers pass on knowledge down to students, and that is exactly the problem. EDUCATION IS ALL ABOUT STUDYING. You might start thinking how that is a problem, and I advise you to think deeply about it. When you study something, you know it. But once you learn something, you use it. And this is what I seriously believe education should be about. University/College is all about learning. And maybe the reason why I'm failing is because I was too hasty in wanting to learn, and thus screwed up my high school years which I'm always against.

My teacher once told me a story about him going to the hospital. He received some medicine, and argued about it's amount.

Teacher: "Well, if I need to take it for 12 days, then I want 6 of A and 36 of B."

*Nurse walked back to discuss this with some other nurses.

Teacher: "I need to take Pill A every other day, Pill B every meal. So you can't just give 12 of each pill to me."

Nurse: "Well, but the doctor noted down to give you this amount of pills."

Teacher: "Think about it. If you give me 12 of each, then I have 24 days worth of pill A, and 4 days worth of Pill B. I'm gonna have too much of Pill A, and not enough Pill B."

*Nurse started counting with her fingers.

Teacher: "Nevermind, just give me the pills."

This is ridiculous. That nurse lacks common sense for one. Two, she can't do simple math in her head. And what is the amusing part of this is that in the end, she still didn't understand what my teacher was talking about.

It fucking irritates me when I see this. And it's even worse when shitty people like that are in charge of my future. I thought Homo sapiens are able to differentiate from other species because of their advanced brains?

Think and learn.

And perhaps, this is what TH society lacks.

Common fucking sense.

Mycella~

[Achieved] Rank: Pro E

2011-02-18T07:14:00.000-08:00

Ever since the the -41 Blue Lagoon, I'd been playing nothing but 3 holes front on Deep Inferno. I bought exp candies, and had been chasing for Pro E ever since. Took me 8 days to get me from Semipro B to Pro E. Now I have 21 control.

***Now I can start chasing records***

Mycella~

[Achieved] -41 Blue Lagoon

2011-02-10T03:04:00.000-08:00

FACK YES!!! After a lot of -40s (A LOT xD), I finally managed to pull this off.

I'm currently suffering from Sinusitis. I have not played for 3 days and I feared my skills might fade. So, I got up and turned on my computer despite the high fever and terrible headache. First round up, and I scored -29 on Ice Cannon with an embarrassing ppic'ed spike on h18 of which had cost me a par. I forgave myself considering the fact that I'm sick and I went on to a Pink Wind tourney. Scored -32 and this is totally unacceptable. My fever might have gone down by now but my ego had spiked. I did notice this and thus, decided to take an hour break.

Came back from the quick one hour break with an ego of 103 and headed straight for a Blue Lagoon tourney. Then....

I was faced with a similar situation from before. Chipped in all 17 holes and the last shot is always tough. I was hesitating on my options due to the distance. I was thinking about dunking it, but decided to tomahawk using a red/green to nullify my chances of a ppic. I guess the previous mistake really got into me :P. I stated that I had abandoned my -41 BL & -40 PW goals because I don't think I can reach that at my current level. I guess I have to reconsider that lol.

P.S. My fever is up again. Gotta go to bed.

Mycella~

[Achieved] -35 Blue Moon & -38 Deep Inferno 15K Pangs

2011-02-05T23:27:00.000-08:00

People are saying that my previous -38 DI round isn't a 15K since it's 14 pangs away. I got motivated (irritated) and went for another DI round. Owned a real 15K this round with the same -38 result within 27 minutes lol. And actually, this proves that I can do it more than once which points out that my -38 DI on the previous round is not based upon good winds. Also, I didn't bring a single silent/safety to this real 15K round. Got it frapsed, but I dont know whether I want to upload it onto Youtube or not.

Winds (With Titan Boo SC) :
4m Dunk from 95%
1m Toma BI HIO
7m Toma from 95%
4m Dunk from 85%
3m Toma from 85%
4m Dunk HIO [Got the 241y pin]
2m Dunk
6m Dunk from 95%
4m Toma
2m Toma from 95%
6m Fail [2w Restricted]
1m Toma HIO
3m Toma from 85%
4m Double Gauge Toma from 85%
6m Toma from 85%
1m Toma HIO
2m Toma from 85%
6m 5i Toma Fail

<<< On a side note, made a -35 Blue Moon. That's one more down. >>>

[Achieved] -38 Deep Inferno 15K Pangs

2011-02-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

I got very lucky and was confronted with really nice winds. My hands were shaking by hole 8 - -, and I ppic a 1m dunk. On hole 17, I read the angle off by 1 degree. What if I hit it 1 yard longer? Would it go in? This is potentially a -40 DI (mad).

Anyway, I was actually challenged by a Pangyaholic. We both decided to play Deep Inferno. He got a -37, I got a -38. I owned him lol.

History:
> -28 DI to start off with.
> Meinards Nyuu told me to do a -35 DI for him to see.
> Got a -33 DI 12K Pangs.
> Challenged by a Pangyaholic.
> Got a -38 DI 15K Pangs (That's right, I made a huge 5 scores jump from -33 to -38 lol)

[Achieved] -35 West Wiz

2011-02-01T04:58:00.000-08:00

First West Wiz tourney in like what? 4 months? Made a -35.

[Goals] Changing Directions

2011-01-30T03:47:00.000-08:00

I've got sick and tired of the -37 White Wiz race. This course is really difficult to reach -37, let alone -40 (or even -41). I have lost interest in the race now. Maybe I'll just let Meinards win - -.

My new goal is to get at least a -35 in all courses except for Wind Hill, Silvia Cannon, and Wiz Wiz (I think this is way above my level). These are the courses that I havn't reach -35 yet.

- ~~West Wiz~~
- ~~Eastern Valley~~
- Sepia Wind
- ~~Blue Moon~~
- Shining Sand
- Ice Cannon (Sadly)
- ~~Deep Inferno~~
- White Wiz (-_-)

P.S. I have abandoned my previous goals as I think it is not likely for me to do it at my current level.

Mycella~

Race & Status Updates

2011-01-26T04:35:00.000-08:00

I've been playing several rounds of White Wiz. The slopes are a big pain. My best so far is -34. Meinards Nyuu is currently in the lead with a -35. And as for Kyu, he joined late in the race. I don't know about his current race progress.

<<< -34 White Wiz

Updates:

-33 Deep Inferno

-36 Ice Spa

-34 White Wiz

Regarding my Pangya state, I've found an aim method that is 100% accurate if I can differentiate and decide between pixels. I still need to work on my slope reading skills. My angle reading skills are getting a lot better due to the race, which has been pushing me to work harder than expected.

Another thing I need is consistency throughout a tourney. Scored perfectly on Pink Wind 12 holes, and screwed everything up consecutively on the back 6, leading to an embarrasing -34.

<<< -34 Pink Wind

<<<This is what happens when Thailand did not win the PWC. GMs started raging xD!>>>
(Incident happened 3 hours after the PWC.)

[Race] -37 White Wiz Against Meinards Nyuu

2011-01-17T05:50:00.000-08:00

(8:33 PM) Mycella:	come one come on*
(8:33 PM) Mycella:	a race gives me the incentive to try harder :/
(8:34 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	sepia wind will be too hard for you hmm
(8:34 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	I guess I'll try something like wizwiz or white wiz -30's wont do.
(8:34 PM) Mycella:	fucking serious?
(8:34 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	white wiz I like it (lol)
(8:34 PM) Mycella:	i can do at least -35 sepia wind in a few weeks a week or two
(8:35 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	I got -35 with 4 misses to finish the round!
(8:35 PM) Mycella:	or maybe even in a few days if TH people agree to play with me
(8:35 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	and 1m dunk miss on h7! I could -40 it lol
(8:35 PM) Mycella:	fine race on? xD
(8:35 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	but I want to do white wiz I don't really have that many notes there either
(8:35 PM) Mycella:	lulz that's kinda tough to manage :/
(8:35 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	I find it easier than Sepia Wind x:
(8:36 PM) Mycella:	:O! then white wiz it is?
(8:37 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	what score you have in your mind? -38?
(8:38 PM) Mycella:	what's your current record?
(8:38 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	-34 is my all time best -30 right now lol
(8:38 PM) Mycella:	nope forget eu xD okay
(8:38 PM) Mycella:	-35 will be pushing it for me xD what do you think?
(8:38 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	-35 will be easy you'll see lol
(8:38 PM) Mycella:	okay, then -35 it is?
(8:38 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	-38 gogo (lol)
(8:39 PM) Mycella:	then -38?
(8:39 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	I want something greater than -36 at least I posted all of my scores on my blog now
(8:39 PM) Mycella:	fine -36.5 xD
(8:39 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	you can see that all fo them are so-so
(8:39 PM) Mycella:	very nice records xD
(8:40 PM) Mycella:	at least it's a lot nicer than mine :/
(8:40 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	you got a fancy -40 on top! haha
(8:40 PM) Mycella:	it's the only fancy score! xD okay -36 White Wiz it is
(8:40 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	I don't even have one fancy score :3 -36.. meh ok
(8:41 PM) Mycella:	fine -37 xD
(8:41 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	now, where's wellzz..? (lol)
(8:41 PM) Mycella:	lol i'll post this chat on my blog to confirm that the race is on xD!
(8:42 PM) Meinards Nyuu:	-37 white wiz ok

[FAIL] Almost a -41 Blue Lagoon

2011-01-08T22:50:00.000-08:00

My hands were shaking terribly. Time is running out. I chipped in all 17 holes in the BL tourney. It was 4m wind with flat slope on H18. With elfen ears, i have 5 extra pixels. Opted the tomahawk choice, and.......... ppic. FUUCCCKKK!!!!!!!!!

I'll come back to fix this later - -.

[FAIL] PPIC From Lack of Sleep

2011-01-07T04:13:00.000-08:00

Played an EV 18H VS. Got a -33 with 4 ppics on good winds. Lack of sleep really gets me.

Ppic H1 with 1m wind.
  " H8 with 3m wind.
  " H11 with 2m wind.
  " H16 with a silent wind.

Pangya Practice

2011-01-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

After the funeral, I'm now back home and is able to continue with my life (Pangya, school, etc). Played a few rounds, and manage to slip into a Blue Moon 18H VS. Played perfectly on the back holes. Forgot to screenshot the scorecard after the BI tomahawk on H18. I erased the score because the front holes are a series of disasters. You can tell from the pang score. -30 *cough* -_-

<<< Screenshot right before the BI. Press the screenshot button a bit too early - -.

Then I proceed to the next day. Got bored in Physics class, so I started doodling :D. Picture taken via phone camera.

<<< This picture took me a while to finish. (Click on the picture for a HQ view)

<<< Very quick doodle.

<<< I was actually trying to draw my friend with wolf ears >w<.

<<< Drawn on the back of my HWI table :D.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A SNAPSHOT OF MY 274Y DUNK HWI XD.

[NEW YEAR SPECIAL ROUND] First Round in 3 Weeks

2010-12-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

I finally get to play Pangya, and my first tourney is actually a New Year tourney invitation from a group of Pangya players (acquaintances). Played pretty well regarding the fact that it's my first tourney in 3 weeks. Ramdomized the course, and end up playing Lost Seaway with a decent -36 result.